103 points

Holy shit I was almost excited there might be one thing to make the coming cycle less shitty until I saw the community

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69 points

Here’s one that’s real: he’s promised to ban high-fructose corn syrup, which is banned in most other developed countries. It should have been banned in the US decades ago.

He might be a wakadoodle, but he might still get a few things right by accident

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24 points

Yea, except somehow we’ll end up with something worse replacing it.

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35 points

High fructose fentanyl syrup

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13 points

I don’t think your corn growers would be very happy with that.

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8 points

Fuck 'em. They’ll survive on their many subsidies.

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6 points

Once they raise the global temperatures enough all of the Iowa corn farmers can just farm rice and sugar cane along the Iowa coastline.

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3 points

Or those of the pecan pie persuasion.

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1 point

I don’t think your corn growers would be very happy with that.

Whatever, they’ll still vote Republican.

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8 points

Hell try and then we’ll be reading a news story about how his brain worms finally kennedy’d him the next hour after the attempt. HFCS and the multitude of corporations producing and using it aren’t some pushover industry like oil and natural gas, they have actual power.

There’s a reason corn is in everything processed in the US.

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2 points

How tf is the oil and natural gas industry a pushover? They’re literally destroying the earth and getting away with it.

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5 points

I don’t think Canada has it banned either lol

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8 points

Just gotta elect a guy with a brain worm, I guess…?

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1 point

America Hat is part of America I thought?

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4 points

All the pro-small-government people I know (the ones wanting less oversight on guns) are excited for this ban and don’t see the irony that they’re really only small-government in the topics they want, big-government in others they decided are bad (hfcs, some red dye, banning men from women’s bathrooms). We all want government protections, turns out.

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5 points

Yeah, and to be clear, I’m not thrilled about him being in charge of health, but if that’s gonna be one of his things that he gets right, I would be stupid not to take what little solace I can get.

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3 points

This implies the US is a developed country.

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2 points

I mean, it is by most definitions that I’m aware of. It might be run by fascists, oligarchs, and ultracapitalists, but it’s definitely developed.

I’m not sure what standard you are applying that would place it in a “developing” or other category.

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25 points

I think the best we can hope for is that Trump seems unlikely to fuck with state laws regarding marijuana. That’s fine with me.

That’s not to say I wouldn’t try the Coke, though.

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2 points

I’d def try coke-aine

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62 points

I actually can’t tell what’s a parody any more

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19 points

Yeah I thought this was real news at first.

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43 points

He might try but Don Jr will be snorting it faster than the factory could add it.

And no one in the mainstream media will care.

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34 points

The fact that I read this headline and my first through wasn’t doubt in any capacity is insane. Satire is now lamer than reality, jesus christ…

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16 points

The reason that is that fiction has to be coherent. It has to make sense.

Reality is under no such constraint.

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19 points

Given that RFK jr was a heroin addict for decades, I was once again fooled by this and I thought it was real.

Satire has been dead for years anyway.

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17 points

the onion actually doesn’t do satire any longer.

they do prophesy now.

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1 point
*

One can dream…

I do wish this were prophecy

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4 points

Yeah he was on record last week saying it improved his grades as a student lol

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