142 points

Is there a limit on total footage? Does a double ended dildo count as two? Is a Christmas tree of dicks ok since it’s more than 6, but is Christian?

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45 points

Need to go candelabra style with them all attached at the base.

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35 points

They just need to add a way to mount it to a gun and then its not a dildo, its a gun accessory.

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15 points

Well that’s one way to finally make Republicans upset about school shootings… maybe

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9 points

Sounds like an interesting bump stock

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13 points

Like a swiss-army knife. (the AI refuses to render this.)

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18 points

That’s why we will always need human artists

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6 points

We need a global network of connected dildos. I propose to call it „Interdildo“

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3 points

Imagine making some sort of open peer to peer sex toy network. Where you are randomly paired up with another person and you control their dildo and they control yours. But no other communication is possible. That would be a fun experiment.

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18 points

Does a straw have two holes or one hole?

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11 points

Straws have one hole.

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5 points

Is your mouth and anus one hole?

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5 points

Yes

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13 points

Christmas tree dildos you say?

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12 points

I dunno, are the Christmas tree dicks circumcised?

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4 points

I assume a menorah of dildos is out.

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121 points

Yay! More small government and freedom!

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12 points

Small government (for businesses) and freedom (to be a certain type of Christian)

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3 points

Once again, SO glad to have left that shithole state after 42 years there.

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3 points

Small enough to fit in your underwear drawer!

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99 points

The great Republican war on orgasms have begun.

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48 points

They’ve been stopping orgasms from happening for a long time.

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21 points

Begun? Texas has always had a war on dildos.

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6 points

Yet, they keep voting for one as governor. 🤔

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90 points

Hypocrites! They do this tomfoolery but make classrooms hang up the approved lord and savior:

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18 points

As long as there’s no more than 6 per student

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8 points

But Jesus had 12 disciples.

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2 points

sharing is caring

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1 point

6 double-ended dildos are legal.

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7 points

New Exorcist reboot just dropped.

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10 points

The Sexorcist

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4 points

… Honestly, I bet that exists.

The real question is do I want to Google it or not…

https://m.imdb.com/title/tt0127877/

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1 point

The passion of the dildo

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1 point

“…the Spirit of God came upon him…”

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75 points

I don’t know how to make a quote line but this one stood out to me and made me laugh.

“Parents do not consent to their children being exposed to obscene devices while shopping for toothpaste.”

What stores sell toothpaste next to adult toys?

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70 points

My local supermarket has sex toys on upper shelves in the family planning section, which is in the healthcare department. They don’t look like dongs, so people shouldn’t recognize what they are unless they know about them already. But kids might still ask their parents what that is on the shelf, and that is apparently worse than school shootings.

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5 points

Yeah but have you considered that vibrators are very likely causing school shootings?

Vibrator goes brrrrrrr

Gun goes brrrrrr

Do you see the pattern?

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27 points

My Walmart has them next to the pharmacy, 2 or 3 aisles away from the toothpaste

Meijer has them on the same aisle as the deodorant

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12 points

It does baffle me that there are parents that think that a kid seeing that box will be ‘scarred for life’

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3 points

Well, it may lead them to satan. As you know, only pure people go to heaven. So don’t even think about sex. And if you do, then better whip yourself until you forget about it or you pass out.

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19 points

Put > before the line

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14 points

test

test

test test

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11 points

test

test

test test

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12 points
*

The Meijer I shop at regularly has vibrators in the same aisle as toothpaste, might be the next aisle over but they’re real close to each other.

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4 points

I’m guessing that part is performative. I doubt there are dildos for sale at Walmart.

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28 points

They sell small vibrators in discreet packaging, on the top shelf near the condoms.

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19 points

Very discreet packaging indeed. I worked at Walmart for a short spell a while back and I stocked them a few times before finally I was like, “Whoa, Walmart sells sex toys!?

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12 points

I learned something new today!

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8 points

My local walmart has a whole aisle, locked in a glass case. You have to go ask an employee to get your dildo for you.

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16 points

Walmart absolutely sells vibrators and plugs. They’re in the section near the condoms, which does happen to be near the toothpaste/deodorant/shampoo area.

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4 points

Maybe they were talking about those vibrating obscene electric toothbrushes

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3 points
*

Funny how they use the word “consent” here that is usually used by progressive people to advocate for safe sex. This is surely done on purpose. To make it sound like seeing dildos in the store is something close to sexual harassment.

Funnily enough, they frame it as sexual harassment against the adults. As in “now I have to explain my child about sex toys”. And completely ignore the children’s perspective. If there was any risk in seeing sex toys, the children would be much more prone to getting “damaged”, as they are children. But since when do “conservatives” even care about the health and safety of children?

The parents should be very well able to deal with seeing sex toys. They are adults after all.

The children will not care about just seeing the sex toys. The biggest risk is that the parents scare them with a bad explanation, and then when they get older they will be scared of sex or think they need to do some things they don’t want to.

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2 points

Conservatives have no qualm engaging in behaviors that they criticize in others. If they think something will let them get their way they will use it, regardless of double standards or hypocrisy.

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2 points

That quote reminded me of this funny commercial https://youtu.be/_hgN4Fqulmw

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1 point
*

What stores sell toothpaste next to adult toys?

I get why they would ban that. Texans might think toothpaste was lube for the dildo.

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1 point
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