If you read my previous post on other place I asked about dating and most responses sounded like it was nice. Yes, I’m aware that relationships are not only good times (I’ve seen my mother being tired of her partner and scared of my father) but when you have literally NOTHING in your life you can’t help to idolising the things you never had…
I don’t think that’s weird, but it’s definitely sad
Air, is this the guy that makes a bunch of posts about “I’m unlovable and sad” and then when people try to offer advice or encouragement he always shoots back with some obnoxious bullshit about how they’re wrong and he’s too hopeless?
Do you want to change? Do you wish you wanted to change?
yes or no?
If you answered yes to any of those questions than there is still hope for you. There is A LOT of good willing people that want to help you. There are a lot of resources that you can use but you aren’t aware of.
If you answered no then no one can help you.
There is A LOT of good willing people that want to help you. There are a lot of resources that you can use but you aren’t aware of.
People are so very confidently telling everyone this.
Where I live, you really would think that’s the case. But for years, nothing. Even my own family is distant af, as if they didn’t understand the concept of depression. See it makes them uncomfortable that I’m not my usual happy self, so obviously that’s very rude of me.
I was also tossed out of an ER when I literally told an on-call psychiatrist I was afraid of hurting myself or others. And I meant it. It was after a very traumatic event I was genuinely so broken with nowhere to go and no-one to turn to. He got a guard to escort me out. Then I called my local free crisis hotline. They told me I’m not having a crisis and hung up.
Last time I asked an opinion about the shit healthcare I’m getting from my brother, he waived it off and now hasn’t contacted me for three weeks.
It took a lot of fighting with the healthcare here, but I finally did manage to get a therapist, and I specifically looked for someone who’s not from the same country and didn’t grow up in this emotionally stunted culture. So that’s one positive thing. But one hour a week isn’t much, and it’s only for a few years I get it.
So while I appreciate the sentiment and probably for most people these resources actually work to at least some extent, they do not work for everyone. So assuming something that might be incorrect and very triggering is something I’d advice to try and avoid if at all possible.
tossed out of an ER
I can relate. That was horrible experience for me and only by intervention of my best friend I am still here.
finally did manage to get a therapist, […] So that’s one positive thing
This is HUGE sucess. Congrats! And stick with it for at least couple of months.
Your mind is playing tricks on you where you toss out a possible solutions outright due to buried emotions.
There are a lot of different types of reaources and some work and some don’t.
Different types of Therapy (CBT, EMDR, etc.), group therapy, books and lectures, long hikes, pilgrimages, d&d, meditation, Alcoholics Anonymous, hitting the gym, temp work agency and even more esoteric ones that I don’t reccomend without trying more normal ones. They all are tools that may not work for you but there exists the tool that will work. The difficulty is in finding one that somewhat works and not giving up half way.
Yeah therapy helps, but there’s clearly an underlying physical issue that I’ve been trying to figure out for more than 20 years.
But since in my twenties I mentioned weed helping with the symptoms, I’ve since not been listened to at all, treated as a full on drug addict and every single symptom I have had have been thought to be psychosomatic.
I’ve evidence to the contrary. Supported by surgery scars, doctor’s statements (from when the doctors actually listened to me when I was younger) and I even quote peer reviewed research from credible medical journals.
But no. Just treat me like a psychotic junkie. And if I challenge them in any of that, it just confirms their “suspicions”.
I’d just need a couple of grand to waste on private doctors, but I don’t have a couple of grand extra.
So if what I had was purely psychogenic, yes, you’d be totally right. But if what I have is depression because of my underlying chronic illness going undiagnosed because of inept and unwilling healthcare, then therapy might alleviate the symptoms, but it’s not gonna make it go away completely.
My mental health isn’t 100%, but my biggest problem at the moment is Finnish bureaucracy, to which shit healthcare is very much intertwined with.
Edit oh and it didn’t take me years to go to therapy because I was unwilling, it’s because the healthcare said I didn’t need any.
I’ve seen a couple of your posts before and I wonder if working in customer service, maybe just as a cashier at a convenience store might help you. Its mindless, menial work but it allows for short interactions with a lot of people. You get to see your community in a different light and meet people you wouldn’t otherwise. Maybe eventually you will find your voice and gain the confidence and a few friends that will help you network into better situations. Maybe going to the gym would also help, getting proper cardio and strength training did a lot for my mood and physical self esteem. Also, you are only 35, you will be young-ish for at least another decade if you take care of yourself.
Also, you appear to live in Europe, why not save your money for a train trip to Amsterdam if never being with someone sexually is causing you so much frustration? I’m sure at least some of those workers have experience with people like yourself and would be patient enough to try to help, maybe chat about it too. Honestly just talking openly with someone like that about your situation, someone whose job it is to approach someone intimately might help. This is probably a terrible idea but it is an option, if you feel like you don’t have others it might be worth considering.
Loneliness and depression play tricks on you, keep your eyes open for possibilities and a year from now your outlook could be very different.
when you have literally NOTHING in your life
Clearly not you then. You don’t appear to be dying from starvation, cold, or conflict. You’re articulate and capable of writing with perfectly acceptable spelling and grammar. You have access to the internet. You’re way ahead of 90% of humanity. Check that privilege!
Get off your self-pity cloud and do something. Learn some new skills - there’s plenty of free courses out there. Improve yourself. Learn skills, earn money, use money to better your situation. Stop blaming the world, it owes you nothing. You, and only you, are responsible for your happiness.
You can’t be serious. Even the beggar at the street has a phone with internet, that means nothing, some people have no escape
Ah, so all the stuff you do have is ‘nothing’.
Stop deflecting and do some work.
You are missing my point completely, stop repeating that I’m not doing any more work.
As a fairly attractive person who also suffers from depression. It really doesn’t matter. I can find so many reasons why other people don’t like me. So many reasons why my actions are ultimately pointless and worthless. And that’s the thing, when I’m depressed I think I’m ugly. Don’t take my word for it, think of all the Hollywood stars that have or do suffer from depression.
I don’t think it matters what you have. Depression can make a shit sandwich out of any situation. But once you work through it and become fun to be around things change. Even if you’re only fun for yourself to be around, that’s one more person who likes you.
