If you read my previous post on other place I asked about dating and most responses sounded like it was nice. Yes, I’m aware that relationships are not only good times (I’ve seen my mother being tired of her partner and scared of my father) but when you have literally NOTHING in your life you can’t help to idolising the things you never had…
I don’t think that’s weird, but it’s definitely sad
Why have you convinced yourself that you have nothing and that you need to be in a relationship to have something?
Joining with the other sex and reproduction is literally the main purpose of all living beings, regardless of their level of intelligence or levels of consciousness of creating things like society and religions. When you don’t have that as your adulthood passes you feel like a failure, regardless of what anyone else thinks.
Your main purpose is whatever you make it out to be. Happiness doesn’t come from a relationship or your ability to procreate. Look inwards. Ask yourself what don’t you like about your life? What do you have the power to change?
What I don’t like my life? The fact I’m unable to attract anyone. Change? Nothing, I’m already suffering
We are more than our instincts. But sure, I acknowledge that following some instinctual drives can give some satisfaction.
For example: I made a choice to not have children and I am happy with my choice. I don’t feel like I am missing out on anything. It’s actually quite the opposite. While I see my peers raising little shits, I get to stay a little shit and embrace my inner child. It’s half a selfish choice because I want my life to be better, and half a compassionate choice because the world doesn’t need new children for its meat grinder.
If I had little choice and was forced onto a path, that would be disheartening. So I get you.
Joining with the other sex and reproduction is literally the main purpose of all living beings
I would say that survival is the main purpose. For which reproducing is one of the available ‘tools’ like is eating, fighting, and running away.
Reproducing doesn’t require having to join the other. I mean, gametes exchange can be done without mating (ask plants) and you also have asexual reproducing. Mating is the way human beings are doing it, like many living species but it still is just one way.
When you don’t have that as your adulthood passes you feel like a failure, regardless of what anyone else thinks.
At the individual level, reproducing is not a necessity (a far less urgent one than is eating and surviving, ie get a shelter, get away from trouble,…). It’s only a necessity at the species level. At least, as far as I understand it.
Many people do not have sex or have sex and do not reproduce. They are fine and not unhappy and their choice is fine at the species level — it’s not like human species is on the verge of extinction because of the lack of humans: we’ve never been that many on teh surface of the planet (most probably even a little bit too many ;)
Edit: even among other species, reproducing is not the aim of all individuals. Just look at bees: the queen is the only one that will lay eggs (other bees are either workers/fighters/nurses, even though they can switch role during their lifetime they won’t ever have a baby bee) and the males… well, the one that gets to mate the queen die just after that.
This is an interesting take that I honestly hadn’t really considered before. As someone without the human instinct to reproduce that 99% of all humans seem to experience, it has always felt a bit like I am an alien from a different planet. Or like I am born without one of the lesser senses or something. But thanks for this. It was an interesting read.
This was very interesting but I wonder whether all species or even just one actually have a (shared) purpose? As humans couldn’t we all just try to find our own?
For me it would be to be a net positive to society in certain ways (that I’m not sure how to put into words and the bits I know how to could get long) before departing.
In a way we are just a very complex system that can reproduce and we are just configured to do so. Life is very good at persevering but does that make it our purpose?
Joining with the other sex and reproduction is literally the main purpose of all living beings…
This reductive view doesn’t help you and, indeed, probably hurts your chances of getting what you so desperately want.
Drop this focus on sex and, ironically, you’ll have a better chance of having it. We can generally tell when a guy wants us only for orificial insertion; that’s a bigger turn-off than almost anything.
As others have said (that you didn’t bother to respond to) work on yourself before you start working on getting others. And in your case I would strongly recommend getting professional evaluation for possible clinical depression before it literally kills you.
Do you sometimes feel like you were born on the wrong planet?
Yeah it’s a though situation to be in. And at every corner they’re shouting YOU ARE WRONG.
Thank you, very helpfull 🙄
Because he is wrong. It’s that simple, that stark.
His misery comes from within and, worse, it defends itself from ending by insisting he can’t be anything but miserable. He needs professional help, not the help of random people on the Internet.
The grass always looks greener in the neighbors yard.
Being desired is OK. Having sex is OK. Feeling deeply understood is unmatched.
I was in a 12 year relationship and I didn’t feel that. I am in a new 1 year relationship and I don’t feel that. Do I appreciate my partner? Yes. Am I attracted to them? Yes. But I crave to be understood.
I’m missing something naturally primordial though. This isn’t the same as “oh I don’t have the most current iPhone” being with someone is something that more of less happens to “everyone”
All I can say is try be your best self. Try respect and love yourself. Try live up to your own standards and try to achieve the goals that you set for yourself. That kind of energy is attractive. Don’t fuss with people who couldn’t give a damn about you.
I will never love myself. And I’ve said this before, loving yourself isn’t necessary to attract someone, my parents are the living proof. I’m already my best self, being more than this is too much
It really doesn’t happen to everyone. There are outliers like us, OP. Do you want to date and have sex or do you only want it because society thinks you should? What do you personally want? Also curious, but how old are you?
You don’t have to answer any of these questions if you aren’t comfortable. I am just curious because I’ve also always been a bit of an outlier in society. Mine is in a bit of a different way than yours, but it’s always interesting to hear about. I’m 30.
I’ve just looked at your post history and it seems we have a lot in common, I’ve been out of work, have depression, feel incredible lonely at times. I spent my life on the other hand chasing relationships, sex, none of it solved my issues because my issues are deeper than that. Yours probably are too and my advice is to find what it is you need and the rest will full in to place.
Good luck out there comrade.
Hi!
I understand that you’re feeling frustrated, but it’s important to consider that there are so many great things in life other than sex and reproduction. You’re not a failure, you’re still young, and there’s so many great things to see, learn, and do! There are even people who choose not to have sex, get into a romantic relationship, or have kids, and they’re capable of living happy lives. Your purpose in life is whatever you want it to be.
There’s over 8 billion people on this planet, and finding someone who loves you for you is just a matter of when, not if. For now, I’d think about why you feel the need to put yourself down this much. What makes you think that you have literally nothing in your life, and what would make you reconsider that thought? Do you really feel that you have nothing and you need to be in a relationship with someone to have something, or is it something that others have pressured you into believing?
People don’t have access to the 8 billion human beings. So that logic makes no sense. I have NOTHING. Barely work, still live with my mother, can’t drive, don’t have savings or money, I don’t have the skills to attract people, I have nothing.
I didn’t choose anything though. I’m cursed with a sexless and cold life.
I never said they do, but with how many people there are, it’s pretty much inevitable that you’ll find someone who is into you and loves you for you. What’s wrong with living with family? I think it’s a good thing for family to stick together.
You say you can’t drive. What’s preventing you from learning? As for work, have you tried getting a mentor? Mentors can be free or they can be paid, but they can help put you on a career path that suits you, and provide feedback and guidance. They can help you achieve what goal(s) you have set in mind and to become the best version of yourself.
Read OP’s history. While they likely are suffering, they aren’t looking to change. Post after post, they just shoot down all the well-meaning attempts to help. Save your efforts
