83 points

No, JD Vance did not have sex with a couch

Sounds like something some one who had sex with a couch would say.

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16 points

Technically it wasn’t sex.

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12 points

That was what he said. To get out of child support payments.

Those poor little footstools are gonna have a hard life when they become chase lounges.

Especially because they’re ugly.

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4 points

Won’t someone think of the ottoman?

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1 point

The eyeliner helps though.

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2 points

Ok, raped a couch. I doubt it could consent.

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58 points

Title is misleading. A better title would be, “No JD Vance did not write about having sex with a couch in his memoir.”

For all we know, he may have fucked a plethora of furniture that did not make it into his memoir.

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44 points

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34 points

…to completion…

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12 points

It does seem like an oddly specific denial.

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1 point

With how it’s worded, it could even imply that he did reach completion, just that he was too selfish to help the couch get there.

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39 points

No, JD Vance did not fuck a couch.

A couch fucked JD Vance. There’s not a chance in hell he’s the pitcher.

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2 points

🤣

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30 points

Headlines from our current era that would totally baffle people just 10/20/30 years ago.

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6 points

Naw. They’ve already come across rule 34.

They’ll just assume we’re freaks, like everyone else

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