You are viewing a single thread.
View all comments View context
69 points

Here’s one that’s real: he’s promised to ban high-fructose corn syrup, which is banned in most other developed countries. It should have been banned in the US decades ago.

He might be a wakadoodle, but he might still get a few things right by accident

permalink
report
parent
reply
3 points

This implies the US is a developed country.

permalink
report
parent
reply
2 points

I mean, it is by most definitions that I’m aware of. It might be run by fascists, oligarchs, and ultracapitalists, but it’s definitely developed.

I’m not sure what standard you are applying that would place it in a “developing” or other category.

permalink
report
parent
reply
13 points

I don’t think your corn growers would be very happy with that.

permalink
report
parent
reply
1 point

I don’t think your corn growers would be very happy with that.

Whatever, they’ll still vote Republican.

permalink
report
parent
reply
3 points

Or those of the pecan pie persuasion.

permalink
report
parent
reply
2 points
*

Use golden syrup, sorghum or honey?

Admission: I can’t stand pecan pie because of it’s hyper-sweetness. Maybe less corn soup would help?

permalink
report
parent
reply
8 points

Fuck 'em. They’ll survive on their many subsidies.

permalink
report
parent
reply
6 points

Once they raise the global temperatures enough all of the Iowa corn farmers can just farm rice and sugar cane along the Iowa coastline.

permalink
report
parent
reply
3 points

I propose we lower Texas enough to flood the Great Plains and revive the Ordovician Sea.

permalink
report
parent
reply
4 points

All the pro-small-government people I know (the ones wanting less oversight on guns) are excited for this ban and don’t see the irony that they’re really only small-government in the topics they want, big-government in others they decided are bad (hfcs, some red dye, banning men from women’s bathrooms). We all want government protections, turns out.

permalink
report
parent
reply
5 points

Yeah, and to be clear, I’m not thrilled about him being in charge of health, but if that’s gonna be one of his things that he gets right, I would be stupid not to take what little solace I can get.

permalink
report
parent
reply
24 points

Yea, except somehow we’ll end up with something worse replacing it.

permalink
report
parent
reply
35 points

High fructose fentanyl syrup

permalink
report
parent
reply
5 points

No no, Trump’s tariffs on China are payback for not watching entanyl exportr. Just a stream of consciousness.

permalink
report
parent
reply
8 points

Hell try and then we’ll be reading a news story about how his brain worms finally kennedy’d him the next hour after the attempt. HFCS and the multitude of corporations producing and using it aren’t some pushover industry like oil and natural gas, they have actual power.

There’s a reason corn is in everything processed in the US.

permalink
report
parent
reply
2 points

How tf is the oil and natural gas industry a pushover? They’re literally destroying the earth and getting away with it.

permalink
report
parent
reply
5 points

I don’t think Canada has it banned either lol

permalink
report
parent
reply
1 point

America Hat is part of America I thought?

permalink
report
parent
reply
8 points

Just gotta elect a guy with a brain worm, I guess…?

permalink
report
parent
reply
5 points

Nah, we kinda just follow the US.

permalink
report
parent
reply

The Onion

!theonion@midwest.social

Create post

The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

Community stats

  • 5.2K

    Monthly active users

  • 582

    Posts

  • 5.8K

    Comments