Such a weird obsession. Some people are shitty and infidelity can be terrible but to spend so much mental energy focusing on the humiliation and righteous anger part is bizarre. No one cares you were cucked. Women arenât property and some of them suck. Everyone understands that some people suck. No one cares you were cucked.
I wouldnât want to stay married to anyone who would play these kinds of mind games.
To be fair, it doesnât have to be mind games, she could have been in a bad place and somehow figured out for herself that the best thing to do was to end the relationship, but realised that she was wrong. There are people who genuinely believe that they can make other peoples lives better by leaving them (a kind of âyou would do better without me, Iâm only pulling you downâ mentality), that could do something like this not to manipulate the other person, but because they actually care about them, but are in a bad place themselves.
Emotional abuse detected.
I mentioned it in another comment, but Iâll repeat it here: This doesnât necessarily have to be emotional abuse. It can well be a result of the wife being in a bad place, having little self-worth, and convincing herself that anon would be better off without her. Perhaps anonâs response caused her to re-think and reconsider, hence the subsequent breakdown.
It is emotional abuse. Just like itâs still assault if a veteran with night terrors gets a adrenaline rush while waking up at night and beating the wife sleeping next to him in his confusion. It is not intended, but the damage is done. And itâs done by the veteran; or the wife in the OP.
The emotional abuse may be coming from a deep emotional wound, but itâs on her to fix it. She gets to keep her shards, or attempt to fix herself. By choosing to not work on herself she effectively chooses to burden the people around her. And they have no obligation to keep her around.
We all burden each other with stuff constantly. Itâs on her to fix it but fixing yourself is impossible tlsince their is no template for what fixed looks like.
Itâs also on the husband as much as it is the rest of us to see what level of burden we are willing to take on for those we care about. Thatâs humanity.
I disagree, I donât think these two are comparable.
Physical violence cannot be undone. Saying that you want to leave someone, and then breaking down upon noticing your mistake is something that can be talked through. If someone beats you, and says it was an accident, youâll still be bruised and feel unsafe around them, even if you understand them and have empathy for them. On the other hand, if you understand and have empathy for a partner that said they would leave you because they honestly though you would be happier without them, you can help them get better and move on.
This doesnât necessarily have to be emotional abuse. It can well be a result of the wife being in a bad place, having little self-worth, and convincing herself that anon would be better off without her.
Abuse is behavior, not intention. The majority of abuse is not intended to be torture, but is still abuse.
This might be a language think, but as I understand âabuseâ implies some degree of intent, repetitiveness, or suppression of the victims response, no?
If someone is punched, you would typically call that assault, while if they are punched on several occasions while being prevented from seeking help, you would call it abuse.
Likewise, if someone is yelled at or scolded or manipulated on one occasion, you usually would say that they were âyelled at, scolded, or manipulatedâ, while if it occurs systematically over time you would refer to it as abuse.
Please correct me if Iâm wrong here
So⌠if anon took those papers and just taped them back together, would they still be legally binding if submitted?
Would this depend on the jurisdiction/country? Iâve never thought seriously about whether tearing up signed legal documents constitutes a refutation after theyâre signed. (a pile of torn-up papers doesnât carry any proof of which, either or both, parties agreed to the tearing-up). And thankfully never been in a situation where this question would arise. Also assuming âtearing upâ wasnât enough to prevent taping them back into a mostly-complete state.
I believe filling out the divorce paperwork doesnât actually make it happen, itâs just an application for divorce.
It has to be filed with the court and a hearing held to make sure itâs all good and then the judge does the thing and youâre divorced.
Mostly this is a rubber-stamping type situation, and the judge mostly makes sure that asset division is done fairly and any children are cared for.
If no one has objections, the money is simple and everyone agrees, and thereâs no children the whole thing is relatively simple.
So filling out or destroying the paperwork doesnât actually do anything.
âThe bond is broken, I said!â You canât unspeak the words.