This is fiction.
It takes a lot more than 3 days to finalize terms of the divorce. It usually takes longer than that just to get both of your lawyers to look over and approve it.
Even if these two people are both lawyers, and decided to represent themselves, you’d need a notary present when you’re signing.
Here in Finland I believe there’s a mandatory 6-month separation period before you can divorce.
But also I’ve had 8 beers a gross amount of rum and glög, an ambien or two and all the weed. So… I may not be giving correct info rn. I believed I am, but you shouldn’t trust me.
…you’re boldly assuming they did it the right way.
Given that she’s the type to take it all back right after it’s signed, she probably just googled “real divorce papers” and found the best pdf and just printed it out.
More likely consulted chatgpt, both for relationship advice and divorce papers
I wonder how many relationships AI has already ruined
I’m finally sure that’s the sort of thing that AI would refuse to discuss. Even a true AI wouldn’t be the best at relationship advice since it has no real world references.
It would be like discussing your relationship advice with a gifted 15-year-old, sure they probably understand more science than you but they’ve got a clue about relationships.
Fully agree it’s a fiction, but couldn’t she have had the papers prepared weeks ahead?
I’ve never been married nor divorced, but I’ve heard friends talk about needing to “just bring him the paper to sign” I don’t know if they’re just stupid, or if there’s an option to just nullify the marriage. Granted these people were very poor and to my knowledge had shared literally nothing financially.
Probably, but this is lazy fiction. How long does it take to search “how long does a divorce take?”
Talking of course would have been better, but I have a sneaky suspicion that this was not the first time she brought it up. I think the first one, he didn’t “care,” and she thought making it seem more serious would prompt some action. I think she was hoping it would be a catalyst for talking/change and not just, “Well, it’s been swell.” Like, ma’am, he doesn’t care. You told this man you fell out of love with him and he didn’t seem to care. Then you present him with divorce papers and he signs them willingly, as well as saying that the bond is broken. You ran out crying because he’s said very clearly that he doesn’t care, doesn’t want to “fight” for you, and did not react at all from the first time you brought it up until you gave him the papers. No “Oh my god, are you serious?” or “Can we talk?,” hell, he didn’t even bring up his own grievances. So now you take a nap on the couch, debating on uprooting your life for someone who at least seems vaguely interested in you, or staying with someone who is seemingly indifferent to you and your grivenances as he’s like “lol, women are so weird” on the internet.
Again, not saying her actions were the most rational, but humans aren’t always rational. Sometimes our emotions get the best of us and we just want to know that our presence matters, and that sometimes leads us to make mistakes. Sad for them both.
> lack personal communication skills with wife
> casually post deeply personal and emotional stories on 4chan behind veils of text and anonymity
> oh shit am I neurodivergent and undiagnosed because I’ve never talked with a therapist
“I don’t understand women.”
Whenever someone has an issue with an SO, then extrapolates that to all women… that’s a red flag to me that this guy has a lot more misogynistic views just outside the frame of view.
It is unfortunately common. Pretty much all of the guys I know IRL complain about their SOs with “Pft. Women, right?” And I’m sitting here like… No? Maybe that’s just your SO? Or just your SO when they’re with you?
Not sure why you got downvoted because I had the same reaction when I read it. This is your spouse and treating her request for divorce and obvious associated emotional distress as something related to her gender rather than the specifics of your relationship seems incredibly dismissive and misogynistic.
Who knows, lol. But I’m more than happy to engage with people who disagree, so long as it remains relatively civil.
I’ve had plenty of gender-coded miscommunication with my wife over the years. But that’s far, far outweighed by more individual differences (like neurotypical v neurodivergent, mismatched communication habits, and mismatched expectations from how we were raised. Hell even just regional differences.
And when it comes to the other married guys I know, I’ve provided advice (upon request) that basically boiled down to (1) you don’t “win” a marriage, (2) treat her like a partner not an adversary (even if she’s treating you adversarially for now), and (3) be open and vulnerable when you can. It’s amazing how many of them have just… never once heard that advice from anyone else their whole life. Wild out here.
The behavior of the wife in the OP would never be exhibited by a man, right? So calling it a “women” thing isn’t inaccurate.
Your reply extrapolates OP to mean all women. Which is exactly like when a woman makes a claim about men and men in the comments reply “not all men!” You’re doing that.
Maybe I’m misunderstanding your point, but I could see a man doing what the wife in the greentext did. It wouldn’t fit the stereotypes we have of dudes, but yeah I think it’s possible.
Including the crying and ripping it up?
Really?
In that sequence?
Horseshit.
You don’t think a man has ever tried to use divorce as a threat to change his spouses behavior?
It’s not misogynistic to admit you have trouble communicating with women.
Do you think that’s what’s happening (both in my example but also the OP greentext)? That they’re admitting they have trouble communicating?
I could see a literal interpretation of “I don’t understand women” as a standalone sentence being reasonably interpreted that way, sure. But given the context, I think that’s really unlikely.
I think they’re expressing frustration about not being able to communicate with women, and I think it’s easy to misinterpret that frustration as aggression or misogyny.
How could I possibly calm down? Who am I married to then? Fuck!
(That was me joining the joke for anybody who might not get that otherwise.)
Women and men do have a different way of thinking the majority of the time. It’s about learning to cope with and deal with the other one’s feeling. If you want a woman, you have to be willing to deal with woman moments. If you want a man, you have to be willing to deal with man moments. Simple. Relationships cannot be perfect.
Men and women have tendencies and subculture, sure. But they’re not mutually unintelligible if you make even a little effort to try and understand the other side as fundamentally human people. For example, by listening to them and taking their positions seriously (even if the specific situation does not call for believing every factual claim).
I think we mostly agree here, just with slightly different framing.
As an AMAB who is vaguely uncomfortable enough with the gender binary to use he/they pronouns but still presents masc in every context — I have met many people of all and no genders who think so completely differently to me it’d be better to use zodiac signs than gender markers to divide personalities (and no I don’t think astrology is real).
it’s complicated. I think generally, women have a different mannerism of thinking than man, primarily due to nuture, women grow up in a different environment, talk to people differently, and experience the world differently, this leads them to a point where you inherently have a different view of the world.
It’s neither good or bad, it just is. Of course this is not a strict definition, and it’s particularly fluid around the middle point, but this is a broad reaching generalization that seems to be mostly accurate.
What if they don’t understand all women? Why do you extrapolate your personal experience to all people… That’s a red flag to me.
This presupposes that men and women are fundamentally and irreconcilably different. I just don’t think that’s true, based on both my experiences and the psychological data I’ve reviewed throughout my life.
It is unfortunately common. Pretty much all of the guys I know IRL base their conclusions on experiences and the psychological data they’ve reviewed throughout their lives. And I’m sitting here like… No? Maybe that’s just your limited psychological data? Or just your subjective experiences?
And this case like most relationship issues comes down to insecurities and bad/non-existent communication. To which, let’s face it, male socialization is a major contributor.
With stoicism and a fear of vulnerability, we’re far too often standing standing in our own way.
What a sad situation. I know a lot of people here think this is abuse and I can see their perspective, but I see this more as a relationship lacking communication. The wife didn’t feel assured that her husband loved her anymore and the divorce papers were a last ditch effort to see if he still does. Sure, just talking openly would be better, but goddamn is it hard to find people who can do that.
I think the fact that she broke down and tore up the papers immediately after is a sign that she really didn’t want to do it and was reacting to his genuine reply.
I think OOP needs couple’s therapy.
are you and the 93 people who upvoted you crazy??
lmfao in what fucking world is serving divorce papers and then tearing them up right after they’re signed not even just a little bit toxic, if not emotionally abusive?
maybe a fucking adam sandler movie but this is real life.
think before you do stupid shit? other people don’t owe you discretion bc you’re an idiot? “uwu but what about the wife’s feeeeelings???” brother man grow tf up this isn’t a high school fling it’s a marriage. if you wanted to pull shit like this, why did you change it from girlfriend/boyfriend to husband/wife? was that about feelings too?
oop shouldve ran when they had the chance and the papers were signed.
sorry as someone who grew up as a child caught between this stupid shit people like you piss me off so much. this is traumatic for all involved.
Fuck man, I don’t disagree with you. Don’t construe my words as me saying there’s nothing wrong here, but I also am not in the “omg just get divorced” camp, either. I’ve been in great and terrible relationships and I’ve seen behavior like above in both. There’s a massive difference between “I’m serving you these papers to cause suffering or as a shit test” and what OOP’s wife did. YES, her behavior was toxic. Toxicity doesn’t happen in a vacuum.
I’ve been around plenty of guys like the greentexter, too. Aloof, unaware, “women say the darnedest things” types. If he doesn’t see the situation and say, “Damn I got some problems with this relationship that need fixing” then he’s insane. But this guy says, “I love you and I’ve always tried… Man this is weird, better post to 4chan!”
Perhaps she’s been trying to talk to him about it but he’s been acting like a dumbass and this was her last ditch effort to shake some sense into him. AGAIN, her behavior is unhealthy. But if his response to it is to show love, and hers is to break down and back away from the edge, then perhaps there is more foundation here than we’re seeing in the context of this message.
I love my partner dearly and I regret to say I’ve acted in ways like this before during difficult times. Love is fucking hard sometimes. It’s about how you pick the pieces up and move forward.
Yeah this is a couple who haven’t really talked through their issues and may have some kind of executive dysfunction. A little time being very honest and crying through their own insecurities together would turn their lives around for the better. (executive dysfunction is a big word but common problem with anyone who has depression and/or anxiety. It just means you don’t have a solid distinction in your mind between what you want for yourself and your life, and how your feelings just run away with you and make small things huge obstacles.)
Nah once you’re at the point where you need couple’s therapy the relationship is over
Not at all. Couple’s therapy is just a place for identifying and resolving the issues in a relationship and is useful for when a couple is struggling to do exactly that. Third party intervention can provide a different perspective for those stuck looking at an issue from a specific angle.
Absolutely. I haven’t done it yet, but we’ve been on the edge of divorce several times. We’re in an ok spot right now. If you’ve ever been arguing with a partner and find yourself thinking “This person is totally fucking detached from reality”, then yeah the therapist would probably get your back. Just keep in mind they probably think the same about you sometimes. And they might be right.
