I’m white, and married to a black woman. Gotta say, this is pretty accurate. Add shitty service from wait staff when the white person a table over gets regular checkups, and doctors not taking anything she says seriously, even when her symptoms are obvious. And people being rude to her when she asks a question, but nice to me when I ask them the same question a moment later.
It’s one thing to know, in abstract, that racism exists. But experiencing it through what my wife goes through on a daily basis has really opened my eyes. It feels like we exist in 2 separate worlds when we’re not out together.
doctors not taking anything she says seriously, even when her symptoms are obvious
I’m married to a white woman, and she also experiences this, so this might be a gender discrimination problem, rather than (or in addition to) a racial discrimination problem, sadly.
I think it’s both. It probably starts with gender discrimination (as the medical field highly favors men. Look at the differences in how we are taught about heart attacks for men and women for example) but then on top of that, it adds the racial discrimination.
Black women (and especially queer black women) are among the most discriminated groups sadly
That’s why the term “misogynoir” exists. It’s both, and they pile on and increase each other.
Older doctors were literally taught that black women have a higher pain tolerance. This in part originated from an early gynecologist doing experiments on black women slaves without bothering to give them any anesthetics. His justification for it was basically that they could handle the pain, and there are doctors practicing medicine today that still belive it.
Yea, that part is a gender discrimination issue, some doctors will refuse to even tie a woman’s tubes if they’re “too young” saying shit like “What will your future husband think” and if they are married already even saying shit like “You’ll need your husband’s permission/need to be present”
It’s disgusting.
We’re both Eastern Europeans in Western Europe, so not visible minorities until we open our mouths.
We were recently house hunting, and my wife is the sole earner.
I can’t count how many times we had to explain that, or how many times we were disadvantaged against people with the opposite situation. When we applied for a joint bank account with both of us working, guess whose name they put on the account. Or try getting hired without getting asked about your family situation. For her, it always comes up in “small talk” in interviews, very obliquely of course. For me, maybe six months to one year into the job.
On the other hand, she opens the street door every time there’s a heavy delivery, as they don’t try to have her carry heavy cargo to our apartment like they do to me, despite it being paid for.
To add: some of the comics, as well as your, examples are good examples of intersectional discrimination. To take a particular one: the doctors-not-taking-you-as-seriously thing happens to all women. But it’s much worse for black women in particular. And it’s also not as bad for black men as it is for black women.* So, that’s an issue she’s facing in this severity because she’s black AND a woman. There are many such intersectional issues, and it’s important to acknowledge and work against them. Anything related to children is similar.
- I remember that from a statistic, I’ll try to look it up if anyone would like me to
Missing the classic, “You speak so well!” Like, wtf, did you expect me to speak in pure jive and clicks???
I’ll give you a bonus one: “But where are you originally from?”
Or white person: “You speak [West European language I was raised in] very well”
Me: “Uh thanks you too”
White person:
“where are you from?”
Here.
“But where did you grow up?”
Here.
“Where were you born?”
Here.
“But where were your parents from?”
The town over.
“Okay but where were your grandparents from”
[Other country]
“Ah okay now I can finally put this label on you and refer to you as [country]an whenever I talk about you and hang all these assumptions on you”
I got in trouble for this once lmao
A group of teenagers showed up to the charity event my club worked on every year. They all knew each other and I was curious what organization they might be a part of, so I asked one “so where are y’all from?” Only then did it occur to me that they were all Hispanic and the poor kid, looking unbelieveably annoyed, firmly told me “here.” I was able to stumble into my real curiosity but God that was embarrasing.
Here’s a bonus I saw at college: “Can I touch your hair?” it’s an especially weird one.
I was blonde growing up in a middle eastern country and people used to want to touch my hair all the time. It’s just curiosity.
white guy here.
I had a lady do that to me and my beard in college.
it was weird at the time but scratched a physical contact itch I had no idea I had. the interaction started a long lasting infatuation with black matriarchs.
my point is, it’s fine to tell people no because it’s a limit of yours, but some people get curious about things that are new(to them) and it shouldn’t be held against them. who knows you might even like it.
The problem is volume. You had one interaction years ago. Black ladies get this sort of thing a lot more. I’m sure it gets exhausting.
Speaking of touching hair, this isn’t really related but what are you supposed to do when holding a baby?
Like I held my family members baby the other day at Thanksgiving and my brain just defaulted to petting their nearly bald head like my cat 😭
I think that’s normal, actually. Little kids like affection and caressing their bald head qualifies. I’m not sure what age that ends, though.
I’m over 30 but I still like it when my gf gives me head scritches/scalp massages. So I guess never for some?
I don’t have kids, but a friend of mine that does commented I sway while carrying a cat in the way someone holding a baby does.
I guess that’s more proof part of the domestication that went on with cats is that they somehow signal “baby” to our minds.
It makes sense it goes the other way too.
That’s funny, because I had a lady I work with tell me to feel her hair.
We were talking about how she always had different hairstyles, and then she explained all this stuff about weaves and fake hair, and then she had me feel her hair to tell the difference.
I did not retain all/any of the knowledge of artificial hair, but I do remember she always had kickass hair styles.
It’s about consent.
The fact that you’ve heard “Don’t touch a black person’s hair” is because SO MANY nonBlack people would just walk up and start touching us without so much as a “How do you do”.
Black people aren’t particularly different than anyone else. The way we are treated is often quite different.
I’m a Latino and I grew out my hair during the pandemic with the goal of donating it. My hair comes out curly when it is long. One day, when we were back to seeing people face to face, a black woman asked if she could touch my hair. I was a little surprised that she asked, lol.
I complained to the manager about not having a safe space and demanded the smokers be evicted. I caused a huge scene and they called security. I went limp so that they had to drag me out of the casino. I have returned everyday holding a picket sign with a picture of a cigarette crossed out in red ink. I will continue to do so until their smoking policy changes.
/s, obviously
Imagine people being racist.
Thank you for attending my TED talk.
