I’ll never forget the time I convinced myself that I was gay. I was eight or nine, maybe younger, and I stumbled upon a broadcast by some fire-and-brimstone preacher. The man spoke about the evils of homosexuals, how they had infiltrated our society, and how they were all destined for hell absent some serious repenting. At the time, the only thing I knew about gay men was that they preferred men to women. This described me perfectly: I disliked girls, and my best friend in the world was my buddy Bill. Oh no, I’m going to hell."
He addressed his feelings with his grandmother (affectionately known as “Mamaw”) who answered him in curiously salty language, considering she was speaking to a child.
“Don’t be a fucking idiot, how would you know that you’re gay?” she asked him.
When Vance explained his reasoning, she laughed.
“JD, do you want to suck dicks?” she said, according to the book.
The young Vance, apparently “flabbergasted,” said: “Of course not!”
“Then you’re not gay. And even if you did want to suck dicks, that would be okay,” she replied. “God would still love you.”
This is not like the couch-fucking thing. This really is in Hillbilly Elegy.
“Then you’re not gay. And even if you did want to suck dicks, that would be okay,” she replied. “God would still love you.”
Based Mamaw lmao, how did Vance turn out so…wrong lol
Yeah, I didn’t think he was gay until he, unprovoked, felt the need to assert that he’s not gay. 🤔
Exactly. The last time I felt it necessary to clarify my sexuality, it was because some girl asked me if I would be good to take with her for clothes shopping. I replied that “while I am actually an excellent shopping companion, because I will find stuff that looks great on you, that you overlooked, to answer the question you very pointedly didn’t ask, no I’m not gay.”
The look on her face was, as MasterCard says, priceless. She was shocked that I knew what she was asking, and that I wasn’t at all offended. I think it was all the theater, choir, and swim team in high school, but I have pinged people’s gaydar since middle school, and I couldn’t care less, now that I’m big enough that they don’t bully me physically for it.
“I’m straight as an arrow. In fact I like to go to Hooters for lunch with my man Lindsay. Right, Lindsay? Mr. Graham likes the thick ladies, but I like them thin… Right, Lindsay!!! Tell 'em how much we like the ladies!”
I am not gay by a GOP means they are flamingly gay.
Methinks the JD doth protest too much.
