169 points

I’m amazed he managed to roll a nat 20 on a d8, thats cheating on a whole new level

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100 points

I fuckin hate this notion in modern dnd (which is a misconception in the first place) that its just “let a d20 decide: the game”. That’s not how the game has ever been played. If you wanna have goofy mad-lib games with your friends where you just roll dice and laugh that’s fine but you’ve never, in 50 years, had to roll to see if you’re able to cast Cure Wounds or Heal.

That is a mechanic in some other games where spellcasting isn’t a guaranteed thing. But not in core Dungeons and Dragons.

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56 points

I wish my DM would accept this. I was born with this power but I might fail to cast it? Why am I not rolling to see if I walk properly since that was a learned ability.

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32 points

Why am I not rolling to see if I walk properly since that was a learned ability.

Octodad: Pen&Paper edition?

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7 points

Shadowdark has d20 rolls for spellcasting and by all accounts it’s fantastic. If you succeed the roll you cast the spell and expend no resources. If you fail you can’t cast the spell for the rest of the day. I don’t believe for a second that it’s what the OP in this post was playing though.

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10 points

That is a mechanic in some other games where spellcasting isn’t a guaranteed thing. But not in core Dungeons and Dragons.

Like in warhammer fantasy, where a guy i’ve played with managed to cast one spell during a fight that took 30-60 mins irl

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4 points

didn’t dnd 2e have you roll a d20 if you cast while wearing armor? too low of a roll and the cast fails? No crit effects, just simple pass/fail, right?

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7 points

Casting an Arcane Spell in Armor: A character who casts an arcane spell while wearing armor must usually make an arcane spell failure check. The number in the Arcane Spell Failure Chance column on Table 6–6 is the percentage chance that the spell fails and is ruined. If the spell lacks a somatic component, however, it can be cast with no chance of arcane spell failure.

https://aonprd.com/Rules.aspx?ID=361

It was a rule in Pathfinder, so presumably it was a rule in 3e.

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6 points

Pathfinder has that too, so it presumably carried through 3.5e. It’s why wizards don’t wear armor, and only applies to arcane casters, and classes that are meant to wear some armor like bards get exemptions for the tiers of armor they’re meant to wear.

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0 points
*

I guess since in many cases you do actually need to roll a dice, like when peeforming a touch or ranged touch spell, people just assume it always happens.

And even in this case. Cure wounds is a spell like any other and it is subject to a will saving throw. So to be correct the pc that was targeted by the spell would indeed roll in order to save from the unintended heal - but thats really just assuming the spell could be used like this, which in my interpretation it cannot.

So again, even if the caster rolls no dice in this case, the target could. I think this leads to people thinking there must always be a roll.

Edit: fix paragraphs

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4 points

Will isn’t an attribute/stat in dnd 5e and the only roll one would make for cure wounds is the amount of healing applied.

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40 points

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110 points

Alright, you cast heal wounds. Any wounds on the legs are healed. You are now aware that paralysis from birth is not a “wound”

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51 points

Yeah that’s more regenerate or maybe power word heals territory.

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27 points

Even with regenerate, what exactly are you regenerating? If the necessary neural pathways for the legs to work never developed in the first place, they couldn’t be “regenerated”. If this was your goal I think you might need to true polymorph a guy into “the same guy but his legs work”

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23 points
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Deleted by creator
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9 points

I don’t think logic applies to healing magic in DnD lol.

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“You touch a creature and stimulate its natural healing ability.”

If stem cells could solve the issue, it’s possible. Turn it into a surgery, high DC medicine check, or an insane arcana check and a DM would probably let it play.

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3 points
*

Simulacra and Clone, or Greater Restoration should be able to achieve the desired effect, provided a competent heal check.

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12 points
*

It’s explicitly within the capabilities of a Lesser Restoration, but also I would not allow a player to cast that spell on another player if that other player didn’t want it

Edit: also as another person said, the adult who has never used their legs before never learned how to walk, so even if they had functioning legs, it would not help

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78 points

ITT- Nerds take a 4chan green text way too seriously.

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21 points

The problem is that newbies see this shit and think it’s normal. One in every 20 rolls is a nat 20. It just means that what you tried went as well as it possibly could have. It doesn’t make possible anything that wasn’t already

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12 points

I think a lot of us get that, we’re just enjoying the joke.

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10 points

Their group should be setting realistic expectations for newcomers then and if they wanna do a throwaway fun session with relaxed rules they can another time.

And if people that don’t partake think a session is this wacky wild shit, who cares? They aren’t playing.

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2 points

You might just be the target audience of the comment above.

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2 points

I’m not taking the green text seriously in the comment you replied to, I’m complaining about the effect the general meme has had on the game

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Deleted by creator
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7 points
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I play with these noobs, and explaining that a nat 20 is not an automatic success on whatever the player wants comes up every other session. It’s a problem because it both makes the game more annoying for me to play, and less enjoyable for the person who thought their plan was going to succeed. I’m not concern trolling, I’m offering personal experience to the discussion

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-2 points

Should it not be up to the DM? Sounds like the players here had a good time. Srsly this is what keeps players from DND: people who stick way too much to the rules

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4 points

Sounds like the players here had a good time.

That’s your read on the story?

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3 points

“David, my character was paralyzed from birth, you can’t just—”

Oh yeah it sounds like he’s super into it

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-4 points

One in every 20 rolls is a nat 20

…no, no. this is not how probability works, even if it should seem to given the way we describe the odds.

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6 points
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On average. On average. On average!

One in every 20 rolls is a nat 20, ON AVERAGE. That’s how probability works. Are you happy now that I corrected it? Was it worth leaving the most pedantic comment on the entire internet?

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12 points
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Removed by mod
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72 points

Bad DM.

Nat 20 doesn’t just let you do whatever. Cure wounds could easily be interpreted as returning the body to its natural state as the soul percieves it. If wanted his legs back more than anything so much that his soul held onto it like phantom pain, then I would say maybe a Greater Restoration could if he wanted that.

But if he’d grown accoustomed to his new life and his new legs and no longer sought to “restore” anything, having made peace with his injury, then no, greater restoration would just restore him to his own healthy self image. And a spell like cure wounds would do absolute dick.

I’d love to let this play out, narrate the lack of effect of this spell, and kick this asshole from the table.

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23 points

So does that not imply that…

HP Restoratives are gender affirming care?

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8 points

That happens in the stormlight archive books, which handle magical healing exactly that way.

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7 points

Interesting question. I suppose it would in the version I laid out. And why not. Hahahah.

Honestly could make for an extremely compelling character arc to explore, but may hit close to home for some players

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22 points

My read of simple HP restoring magical healing, at least in D&D, is simply that it is equivalent to accelerated natural healing with no potential for complications. So if whatever ailment you’re trying to heal wouldn’t also be healed by any arbitrary amount of rest and recuperation then Cure Wounds won’t cut it either.

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17 points

There’s a book I read that takes place in Faerun where a cleric is getting tortured by ogre clerics by having his limbs broken and then they use heal spells to heal his limbs at odd angles. After he’s freed, they break his limbs again, heal them in braces, but he had a permanent limp

DnD healing can only do so much before its just some high power reality changing magic.

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3 points

Exactly. If that adventurer wanted to “cure” what he saw as a flaw, he could quest for a much more specialized magical healer or more powerful spell to enable it. I mention greater restoration, but true polymorph to his original form, or some kind of time manipulation, etc. There are options, at a high enough toer of magic, to undo injury, but that power has to have been attained.

This is why amputations aren’t cured by a cure wounds. You can’t just grow a pile of pork by hacking into a live pig and repeatedly healing it.

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11 points
*

narrate the lack of effect of this spell, and kick this asshole from the table.

You had me in the first half. First 95%

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4 points
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Cure wounds could easily be interpreted as

It could far easier be interpreted as healing what the caster or their god perceives to be a wound, since IT’S THEM THAT DOES THE DAMN CURING.

I get inclusion, I really do. And if you wanna go there, the guy playing the cleric is a prick if he’s doing this to a disabled guy’s character. But you’re not escaping this with logic, because disabled guy is also a prick.

You’re in a universe of immortal gods, magic, amazing tech and telling stories. Don’t you dare pretend there’s any ailment that can’t be healed by some random cleric of Waukeen or Kol Korran, both being deities of wealth that would approve of their priests being basically traveling salesmen, exchanging healing for money. You can cure anything for the right amount of gold, and let’s not all act like we wouldn’t want our walking/eyesight/hearing/whatever restored, and actively work to pay for one of these services.

Some of the traits we want to give our characters just don’t translate into this magical world, and there’s no ruling where a DM can still have it make sense if the cleric is in character when doing this. What you want to ask yourself before you get to this situation is, would this guy have seriously been crippled all his life and was never able to raise the few hundred gold for a healing spell? And would an adventuring party even want him on?

This should’ve been nixed at session 0 if not all players agree that this setting allows for incurable disabilities/diseases. Cause I for sure don’t want a cleric in my party that “isn’t allowed” to remove curses or heal. Oh, he’s wheelchair-bound? The party exits the pub, you are unable to catch up to them as there are some stairs in the way. This is life without wheelchair ramps, better get used to some boring sessions ahead. Unless you wanna explore a dungeon and see if falling down stairs while stuck in a chair is gonna be easy to survive for your lvl1 wizard.

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0 points
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It could far easier be interpreted as healing what the caster or their god perceives to be a wound, since IT’S THEM THAT DOES THE DAMN CURING.

If the caster doesnt know how Tieflings are naturally supposed to look, are they going to then heal them of their “deformities” and remove their horns? I’d very much argue the caster’s intent is irrelevent. And as others have noted, there is lore of how cure wores operates to accelerate natural healing, not just reality warp into a perfect body. Splint a break and heal it, done. Cure wounds on a fresh cut, done. Cure wounds on a 10 year old scar? Thats not a wound. No effect. Otherwise no one in DnD would have any scars, even cool ones.

because disabled guy is also a prick.

You are searching hard for reasons to argue against this. Just wanting to be how you are is not being a prick.

You’re in a universe of immortal gods, magic, amazing tech and telling stories. Don’t you dare pretend there’s any ailment that can’t be healed by some random cleric of Waukeen or Kol Korran, both being deities of wealth that would approve of their priests being basically traveling salesmen, exchanging healing for money. You can cure anything for the right amount of gold, and let’s not all act like we wouldn’t want our walking/eyesight/hearing/whatever restored, and actively work to pay for one of these services.

By this logic, no character in DnD should ever have scars, or exist with anything but a pristine body. And yet, some of the most famous characters out there have scars and missing fingers. How odd.

Some of the traits we want to give our characters just don’t translate into this magical world, and there’s no ruling where a DM can still have it make sense if the cleric is in character when doing this. What you want to ask yourself before you get to this situation is, would this guy have seriously been crippled all his life and was never able to raise the few hundred gold for a healing spell?

Usually no. A few hundred gold in most settings is actually quite a large amount for a non-adventurer.

And would an adventuring party even want him on?

Because the disabled are without worth if they inconvenience the party even slightly? Nevermind that all your ranting aboht how magic could affect the body could much more cheaply and immediately apply to objects like a wheelchair, and thus make sense for them to have worked around their disability than to have afforded some of the most expensive healing that exists to treat it.

This should’ve been nixed at session 0 if not all players agree that this setting allows for incurable disabilities/diseases.

Yea I don’t think that most see “curing my disabled friend by force” as something that session 0 would even need to touch on. Most of these spells have “willing creature” as an assumed condition.

Cause I for sure don’t want a cleric in my party that “isn’t allowed” to remove curses or heal. Oh, he’s wheelchair-bound? The party exits the pub, you are unable to catch up to them as there are some stairs in the way. This is life without wheelchair ramps, better get used to some boring sessions ahead. Unless you wanna explore a dungeon and see if falling down stairs while stuck in a chair is gonna be easy to survive for your lvl1 wizard.

This whole paragraph again is some hateful ableist shit with 0 imagination. I’m not even going to bother listing the dozens of simple creative solutions to “omg stairs!” that escape you, and simply point out that, again, cure wounds is a low level healing spell not even a greater restoration. And long-term scars and illnesses canonically exist in DnD. So get over yourself. If the player doesnt want “cure my legs” to be their whole fucking quest, then let them have their magical wheelchair with equivalent mobility and move the fuck on.

Jesus its not even hard. “The wheels of my contraption have a minor strength buff so i can push it easily, and some years later a kind enchanter cast a permanent low grade spider climb on the wheels so i can go up stairs and uneven terrain fairly easily now. It’s not strong enough to climb walls, unfortunately. But I appreciated it immensely all the same. I get around as well as most now, I suppose. Still can’t see over countertops all the time though.”

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2 points

I am unsure from what this is from, but I once read a story in which a form of healing magic exists. One requirement for it to work was that the person being healed needs to be OK with it. If someone tried to cure your paralyzed legs and you don’t want them to be “fixed” as you don’t view as an issue or being paralyzed is just part of how you are, then the magic can’t work on you.

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51 points

I refused the heal because I heard it causes autism.

Yes, Int is my dump stat, why do you ask?

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5 points

I will never understand these people. Like, even if vaccines did cause autism… do you really find us that offensive?

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5 points

Hehe, indeed. Although they moved onto “vaccines put microchips in you to let Bill Gates control you” so who knows. (Side note, autistic people are chill, significantly less likely to ruin my night with bullshit, lol)

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4 points

No no no, you got it all wrong The vaccines put microchips in you so that Bill Gates can activate COVID in you. But it works only when you’re within 5G radio range

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