Really loving the “Just enough to be deniable” couch attacks on Vance.
As Stephen Colbert gleefully said of the couch story last week, “It’s not true, and nobody cares.”
The best part is that it really is kind of thing he might be into. It means that any attempt to deny it either makes him look much worse, or much more guilty.
Do you think anyone out there is trying it, American Pie-like? With a greasy rubber glove stuck to their junk?
Because that would be pretty great, too.
The best thing about it is that nobody actually believes it’s a real story. But it’s a great joke, because it just fits him so well. And the joke isn’t just that he would romance a loveseat, but that he might write about it without an ounce of self-awareness. The dude is not just awkward as fuck, but in a sinister sort of way. You could easily believe that if you left him alone with your own sofa, he might do unspeakable things.
A couch is too risky. A love seat is right the fuck out. Maybe a recliner or kitchen chair is safe.
A fucking recliner? To reduce risk? You want to stick your dick into this thing? That’s a hard pass from me, friend.
I think they’re saying recliners were safe from Vance.
I think they’re underestimating his stupid
There was at least one “JD Vance did not have sex with a couch” headline that had to be changed, because how could anyone possibly know whether or not someone has fucked a couch? Journalistic integrity dictates that you only make statements like that if they can be backed up by facts. I could be fucking my couch right now and no one would ever know.
The AP apparently took the article down, but this talks about it.
I was trying to make a funny.
You had said:
I could be fucking my couch right now and no one would ever know.
To which I asked for an OnlyFans link so my buddy JD Pants could watch. But apparently I laid it on a little thick and obscured the joke. Everything always makes more sense in our own minds.
