If you truly love your partner, does a ring and a ceremony really do anything?
I know there are certain legal situations where an official marriage changes who has certain rights, but aren’t those same rights available if you make other legally-official decisions E.G. a will or trusts, etc?
I’m generally curious why people get married beyond the “because I love them” when it costs so much money.
It doesn’t HAVE to cost so much. The wedding doesn’t cost a lot.
The ceremony and the party are what cost a lot.
But you can go down to city hall, in plain clothes, pay a small fine, fill out some paperwork, bada bing bada boom, married.
But good luck getting 99% of women to give up their dream wedding for a city hall wedding with 1 city appointed witness, and no guests.
As a male, none.
Have been helping people in family court for twenty years. The shift had been catastrophic for marriage from a male risk/reward.
Socially it’s an excuse to party with everyone you love.
Legally it’s only worth it if you have kids, plan to migrate countries, or have shitty immediate family among other things. But if you’re just in a long term relationship with your finances otherwise separated, no kids or end of life concerns, then it can be somewhat detrimental as you’re just inviting the state in to meddle with your life. it’s just a formal interaction with the state.
Edit: see replies.
This is a shallow and very “I just think about the next few hours” view…
First of all, there are a lot more legal protections to married couples even if no kids are involved. Second, I guess you know when you are going to die so you can be certain there won’t be any end of life concerns, you are certainly immune to accidents, right? But also, you don’t have to be about to die to want your fiance to be allowed in the hospital room with you (which they won’t be if you are unable to provide approval and they are not legally your partner)
The “state” does not meddle in married life either… this is a rednecky thing to say… unless of course you are referring to treating your partner like crap or attempting to deny them any protection they are legally entitled to
Yeah i was half awake, a bit harsh ig.
Maybe a better formed argument is that getting into a marriage legally is way too easy compared to the legal process of leaving one. Even if you have all your things in order and everything is completely amicable the dissolution can be a a very drawn out process, especially if you can’t be present in the state you were married in.
The part about being in a hospital, only applies if the partner is not conscious, otherwise they can consent. Some other counties have another method for this where if you’ve simply lived together long enough those sorts of protections exist. So yeah you have a fair argument in the US. Is it a valid reason for legally formalizing your marriage? That’s up to you and your partner to decide.
I think my major annoyance is that people put emotional value into the legal matter of marriage as though law and the state had some interpersonal value.
a bit harsh ig.
Likely, sorry about that
Maybe a better formed argument is that getting into a marriage legally is way too easy compared to the legal process of leaving one.
This is a completely different point than your original one though. And, while somewhat true, the countries that have strong marriage protections will not save you from a separation even if there is no marriage (more on this below)
The part about being in a hospital, only applies if the partner is not conscious
Or impaired in multiple other ways… but yes, the not conscious part if key because you could be in a medically induced comma to spare you the pain and someone may need to advocate for you in case a decision needs to be made. If you just had minor issues, there would be no problem but we are fending off the worst scenarios, no need for legal protection for minor stuff
Some other counties have another method for this where if you’ve simply lived together long enough those sorts of protections exist.
Correct and those same laws are the ones that basically have you automatically declared “common law” (or whatever preferred term) which makes a separation almost as hard as a divorce (coming back to point 2 above)
Is it a valid reason for legally formalizing your marriage? That’s up to you and your partner to decide.
At the end of the day, yes of course it is for the couple to decide… I just want to make it clear that you do not normally get the same level of protection by just having a will or a power of attorney (or it would be actually worse in those cases) and that people should consider this WAY more than “I don’t need a paper to say I love someone”, that is not what legal marriage is about
The feminists don’t agree but historically marriage is there to protect the woman from having to raise a child alone. It is a socially and legally binding promise from the man that he won’t abandon her when she sacrifices her ability to fend for herself in order to bear children.
I didn’t ever marry my ex, was irritated at how discriminatory legal marriage was back then, and we had kids so were a family anyway.
My husband now? He really wanted to be married, and “stepdad” is a different legal status than “mom’s boyfriend”, it smooths things when he had to do school pickup or doctor visit. So since he pushed and as I did see an upside we did.
Also you can’t foster or adopt here unless you are married - unmarried man in the household is a known risk to the kids he’s not related to. Statistically, it raises the risk of the kid getting hurt so single people can, or married couples but not unmarried hetero couples.
I am with you logically, I don’t need it, and don’t feel different and it’s weird for the state to license families. I understand religious marriage but am not religious.
