70 points

Twenty dollars is twenty dollars.

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25 points

Screw you! $1 = $1

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23 points

According to that logic, $2 would be $2 and that’s insane!

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7 points

But by that logic, $three would be = 3 dollars.

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3 points

Why is there never an English pedant around to weigh in on these things when we actually want one?

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8 points

A mouth’s a mouth.

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7 points

…and from The South

Comes a tale of a mister

Who brought his soul to a glory hole

And encountered the mouth of his sister

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4 points

A hole is the goal

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3 points

“How would you have felt yesterday if you hadn’t eaten breakfast or lunch?”

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163 points

Time zones? What, like I step over a line on the ground and I’m in the future? Pfffft.

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3 points

“The Island of the Day Before” vibes

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118 points

It’s so much worse than that. The people in the GMT +13 time zone had 19 hours to warn us about 9/11 in 2001, and they did nothing!

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19 points

New Zealand… We demand you tell us what the future is like.

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5 points

I’m sorry for the bad news, but it’s terrible in the future. Just like every other day

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6 points

You joke, but if the US had done that for COVID, things would have been a lot better. Sure, it’s the right answer for the wrong reasons, but it wouldn’t be a change for the worse compared to the current methods.

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17 points

Well yeah, they’re all old and forgetful. They could come West and be younger but they don’t care. They’re old.

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7 points

Wouldn’t they get younger more quickly if they moved east across the much-shorter distance to the international date line?

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17 points

If you go to the North pole and run around in circles you can easily get years into the past.

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37 points

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21 points

5am is a time where you could still be awake, doomscrollingly trying to finally sleep

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44 points

“What are timezones?”

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34 points

People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but actually, from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it’s more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey stuff.

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5 points

wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey stuff

Yes I’ve seen this referenced in several theoretical physics papers. Fascinating stuff. Really makes you think.

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5 points

Physician what?

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6 points

Most people think time is like a river that flows swift and sure in one direction, but I have seen the face of time and I can tell you, they are wrong. Time is an ocean in a storm.

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3 points

That explains a lot. It turns out I’m not depressed. I just have temporal sea sickness.

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4 points

It’s where children go when they misbehave.

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