primscha
Hope you make a complete recovery soon!
Winter break is about to start! ⌯’▾’⌯ And I’ll eat sushi today with a couple friends as a reward for all the hard work.
I’m excited to pet my dog. (-◡-◍)
We got another email clarifying the situation, and they state to submit “anticipated funding requests.” I’m just skeptical because I know the student union can be messy, and my club is fairly new. I’m sure it’ll be fine, it’s just… pretty abrupt. I also just feel pretty tuckered out, so I’m complaining. (ᵒ ᵕ ᵒ٥)ゞ
Turns out they did spend all their money from this semester. ._. I can’t exactly blame them on that though. I’ve heard there have been more budget cuts.
Long update ._.
I got the internship offer! ✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧ One step towards my dream career! I haven’t processed it yet. I haven’t processed any festive vibes, either.
I blame this lack of processing on the semester being a train wreck. Last school year was like a bus hit me. This year…train.
Drama! ಥ_ಥ Burnout! ( ꒦ິ◡꒦ີ) Homework hell! ತ_ತ Long class hours! (☍◡⁰) No money or work! ¯_(ツ)_/¯
As always, whenever I reminisce on my growth (pains), there’s a heavy amount of regret and gratitude for those grueling moments. I can’t believe this period of my life is almost over. And now I’m moving on to the next phase of my life, building my career.
It’s funny… A few years back, I would never have thought I’d make it this far. I didn’t think I had a future. I couldn’t imagine one. And yet I made a choice to go to uni— and everything slowly but surely began to change in my life for the better. Just because I kept… trying to make better choices for myself once I found a safer environment to be in.
I mean it was hard. Becoming a board officer for a volunteering club, getting into my program, reviving another club and becoming president, working when I could, finding my own projects outside of the program to work on… In these moments where I often felt like I was dying, it looks like I was actually living lol. Does that make sense?
(Anyways, enough with the sentimental stuff. Though it’s warm and fuzzy.)
My winter break doesn’t seem like much of a break, so I’m somewhat concerned.
- the student union implemented a new funding process in which all clubs need to know their funding needs throughout the entirety of next semester. They told us this just a few days ago. Do they seriously expect us to plan out each event and to properly predict things far in advance? And during school break? Honestly, they probably spent all their funding this semester .-. but this…is not a smart solution.
- I’ll be studying html/css for my internship as a just in case. It’s a very interdisciplinary job (which I love ⌯’▾’⌯). But it’s mainly about using Figma and prototyping.
- gotta catch up on my Figma learning and practice making UI components!
- need to work with a developer on a website redesign for a nonprofit!
- will be working on an MFA full res and low res ad campaign.
But… There should be room to have fun in all that, right? ( ᵒ ᵕ ᵒ ) I wanna hang out with a friend and good god I need a break.
I finally hit a small moment of freedom from school. For the first time in months I can breathe, just a bit, from burnout. Although there’s more to be done, the most important tasks vanished from my sight… for now. ;-;
Did an internship interview and it went really well! I ended up talking to one interviewer afterwards for thirty minutes, and I got the vibe that I’m one of their better candidates. I’ll know if I got it by the next or following week.
Cut off my friend who was an ‘ex.’ It was relieving. Words cannot describe the exasperation, confusion, and disappointment I felt about him throughout the whole relationship, including pre/post romantic period. Trying to clarify communication/boundaries/issues with him felt like constipated diarrhea and the Jackie Chan meme on repeat.
I’ll be celebrating my Mom’s bday tomorrow which just so happens to land on Thanksgiving. Had Friendsgiving last week. ⌯’▾’⌯
Puppies. I love puppies.
I got my first ex lol.
It’s alright— it was a relationship where we both understood the feelings are new and we’re both inexperienced, but in retrospect all communication fell from there lol. Aaand I think it’s still falling.
So. (ᵒ ᵕ ᵒ٥)ゞ Let’s see how much of it can actually be settled…
Otherwise life has been a piece of shit because of burnout. So much is happening around me that I know I’m succeeding at, but I’m having a hard time acknowledging my success. The fear and exhaustion is seeping in. I’m hoping I can recover soon! …Because a lot feels like it’s at stake. (☍◡⁰)
Good luck to everyone 🫡
Going back to the dorms on Friday. It’s a yay/nay situation. Love my friends there. Hate the amount of the work that has to get done. But gotta think on the positive end to keep me going. (Or just… think less to make it easier on the mind lol.)
Today I went to an awesome local coffee shop/bookstore. It’s so beautifully decorated with unique displays and niche items. It captured a very cottage core theme while also having a surprisingly wide variety of books. God I’m gonna miss that place. I really want to go back. Has everything I want in a bookstore… There’s a whole bookshelf filled with architecture and graphic design books I want to get.
Then I got to go to this cute little park/outlet. I’m not sure how to describe it— it’s a small area with a treehouse playground that’s walled off. And I got to see a fire show of sorts. It’s been a fun, exhausting day. Nice way to end my summer break.
I know this post is a couple days old but… Thought I’d give it a shot.
Honestly, I just try not to think about my emotional state in the moment. As long as I acknowledge the negative feeling and let said feeling remain as a feeling— not turning it into an articulated thought— and go about my day anyway, the emotions start to subside. Let your body act, but refrain from mulling over the act you’re about to make.
It takes practice to not judge the emotion, but once you get the hang of it I’d say it’s hard to stop.
I find that most of the time my emotions become unbearable is because I begin to rationalize them. (And to attempt rationalizing an emotion is inherently an irrational act.) Does that make sense?
Another way I like to think about it is, don’t intellectualize your faith into doubt without understanding that you can intellectualize your doubt into faith.
Sorry, I know it’s convoluted. I can try providing an example of my experience with this if you’d like. Overall it is about mindfulness and patience with yourself. But first, it’s going to be about having a hell of a lot of patience. Hope this helps.