Horrible. Had some slight elbow pain at the gym. Went to the doctor. Told to keep it in a brace and not bend it. I swear the compression and the stiffness are making it worse, it’s gone from a little bit of pain beside my elbow to moderate pain all down my arm.

People keep insisting it feels worse than it is and acting like I’m being stubborn when I say it wasn’t that bad at first. Everyone’s saying shit unprompted like “tennis elbow never gets better” or “we’re not ‘treating you like’ you’re disabled, chronic pain is a real disability!”

My doctor told me that if, in the future, I do any kind of movement and it hurts my arm, I need to remember to “not do that movement again” because it’ll cause re-injury. So I guess I’m not supposed to lift weights for the rest of my life?

It’s really getting to my head. It just felt like a little bruise beside my elbow. It’s not like they did any imaging and found something horrible, why is everyone acting like it’s over?

I never even got to be buff… I was so malnourished it took me years to get visible muscles, and they were never impressive 😮‍💨 I had a stupid daydream of being an attractive butch

spent the weekend with a friend in the mountains. we saw a bunch of bonsai trees (a couple of my favorites below), went to a couple of breweries, and stayed up too late playing video games. 10/10 weekend, would do again.

Wiped out my savings buying 2 pairs of pants, but I’m reading the DUNE books and having a good time with it

I’ve also found out I might be getting out of my paycheck-to-paycheck lifestyle this year. No later than next year.

Better than last week, doing more work as our Kickstarter continues, we’re still 19k away from our goal with less than 2 weeks left though… Which is a major stressor. But other than that life has been good and calm.

CW: some discussion of transphobia

Tomorrow I get to have a call with a side of the family I haven’t talked to in almost 2 years. Since coming out publicly, my family has been surprisingly good. There are slip ups and ideas that are meh but overall it’s gone better than I thought. With the exception of one part of my family.

My dad’s birth father and his family. Tbf while I know my grandpa’s feelings. I am not sure about the rest. I believe my more liberal aunt who I’ll be talking with tomorrow is fine with me, but I worry about my grandpa.

My grandpa has always been one of the most supportive and loving people in my life. When I lived away from all family for almost a decade, he was the only one who would regularly visit me. I hated where I was and he knew that. He knew the visits would make my time away easier. No one else in my family cared to. Sure my parents came occasionally. But it was maybe 3 times over the 8 years. My grandpa made a point to visit multiple times a year. Growing up he’d always be one of my biggest supporters. Even though I was a grandchild from a son he didn’t raise and didn’t know all that well. We were close. I was close with all of that part of my family.

I can’t really describe how devastating it was when I learned he had no intention of ever accepting me and I would always be dead name to him. He used to call me roughly once every couple months. I haven’t heard from him in almost 2 years.

His daughter reached out to me last week. We’re going to chat tomorrow. I think in an attempt to rekindle our relationship. Idk how to feel or what to expect. I want to rekindle our relationship. But I’m worried about what emotional position that will put me in. Thinking about him almost always ends up with me sobbing