perhaps, but what’s in it for me?
Everyone’s a comedian so here’s some actual advice.
TLDR: be polite but firm, know what you’re asking for.
Lots of activism and lobbyist groups have the concept of an “ask”, or what you’re attempting to get out of the negotiation. Have a solid, easily understandable ask that is generous enough to withstand a bit of pushback from the other party, who will almost certainly try to negotiate the other direction. Also, when you deliver a statement, question, or ultimatum, wait for the other person to respond to it, even if there’s a couple seconds of silence in between. Conventional wisdom says the one who speaks first in these moments is displaying insecurity and is less sure of their ask or position in the negotiation.
Silence is a weapon. People don’t like awkward pauses and will talk to fill in the gap and sometimes they end up putting their foot in their mouth.
I use this all the time. At some point in my life I just stopped being uncomfortable with silence, but it drives most people mad.
And it’s not just useful in terms of having an “opponent” stew in some social discomfort.
Use it to take a moment to think. Use it to give the other party time to think. Use it to let your most recent words hang in the air and gain more weight. Etc.
I did contract negotiations for a while. Something that I always remember being told was “you can’t be more excited to sign than the other person”. It’ll lead to you making bad deals. If the other side doesn’t want to sign, neither do you.
My boss always said he preferred no contract over a bad contract. I once suggested that even a contract that pays out a bit is better than nothing. He countered by saying there’s an opportunity cost in fulfilling a contract. We could be too busy fulfilling poor contracts that we have no time to negotiate and accept good ones. In that case, a poor contract could be seen as less valuable than nothing. I’ve had negotiations that lasted less than 15 minutes. I give a standard quote, they’d lowball, I’d say there’s no way, they said they’d leave, I say here’s the door. Done.
OK but what can you give me in return?
