31 points

Gomez lives off generational wealth and thus spends his time culturing himself with dance, art, and seductive languages.

I work until it’s not safe to drive home because I’m so tired and my eyes don’t work. I crawl home on surface streets, collapse into bed for a brief nap, and get up to go do it again because the man needs his dollar.

My spirit may be willing, but my flesh is spongy and bruised.

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11 points

Idk man that sounds pretty macabre. Are you sure you’re not going for a goth chick? /s

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-6 points

How much time to put a little product in your hair?

How hard is it to listen to a language lesson instead of that song you’ve heard a million times?

Get some nice collared shirts instead of fanboy T-shirts?

Watch one how to dance video?

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12 points
*

Product - use daily

Language - speak English, Spanish, and Korean, though the latter two are admittedly falling off from lack of use. Lived overseas for four years in my twenties

Collared shirts - wear daily, but I’d guess that’s not goth chick bait

Dancing - was religiously prohibited from such growing up and never took an interest in it

Personal skill - I can cook like a motherfucker. Like really good stuff. If I believed in love languages, mine would be feeding others. The women in my office make weekly requests for me to cook whatever they’re craving over the weekend and bring it in on Monday.

But I’m talking about energy. Gomez spends his entire existence striving toward being Morticia’s everything. I don’t have enough gas in the tank after seventy or eighty hours of getting yelled at for my income.

Next up, since everything is so easy, I guess I just simply waltz into another job, right?

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-7 points

Have you tried applying for Civil Service jobs?

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14 points

“How long has it been since we’ve waltzed?”

“Oh, Gomez…hours.”

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11 points

I’m not goth, but my husband treats me like Gomez treats Morticia. Can confirm that a lot of sex happens. So, like, do it.

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11 points

Can confirm they fuck a lot

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3 points

Nice.

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6 points

“You scared me… I want you to do it again.”

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5 points

John Astin or Raul Julia?

(I know there have been other Gomezes, but those are the only two that count.)

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4 points

Luis Guzmán

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2 points

I wish you

would step out from that ledge my friend

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2 points

This is the way.

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2 points

👍

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9 points

I’m a Gomez at heart but more of a Fester in the looks department.

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13 points

The key to Gomez energy is his sincerity. You might not be able to draw a Morticia (because she’s probably already got a Gomez) but a Fester with sincerity who aims with his heart rather than his eyes/dick has a good chance of finding true love.

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6 points
Deleted by creator
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5 points

He finds someone afterward anyway, someone who’s much better for him

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4 points

Debbie!

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6 points

According to the first movie, Fester was more of a ladies man than Gomez, or at least that’s what Gomez thought.

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4 points

Well, you brought a tear to this bald man’s eye and hope to his heart. Amen.

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11 points

Gomez was never supposed to be good looking.

Original Gomez:

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5 points

I’m more of a cousin Itt in the looks department while being a Gomez at heart

But I feel you friend

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5 points

So you are a member of ZZ Top?

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5 points

Every girl crazy 'bout a sharp-dressed man 🤷‍♂️

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2 points

Money solves that part. In rare cases charisma pulls you out, but that’s much harder to achieve.

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2 points

In rare cases charisma pulls you out, but that’s much harder to achieve.

Spoken like a person with no charisma.

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1 point

i have the opposite problem.

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2 points

You have a sweet ass pencil moustache but can also power light bulbs with your teeth?

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1 point

A god among men.

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6 points

Some of y’all ain’t worth gomez energy but ain’t ready for that conversation

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