I have always been “non-traditional” looking. When I was young and skinny I don’t think I was ugly but certainly not conventionally beautiful. Now that I’m older I am certifiably “meh”.

The expectation to look pretty (for men) is still there even if I don’t meet the criteria for their attention. I still feel the societal pressure, I still feel bad about my appearance when I’m not serving male gaze ideals. It doesn’t just go away even when you’re disqualified from personhood for being ugly.

I’m hoping becoming an old biddy will release me from requirements and I can feel free.

I’m 56.

Mostly I think younger guys trust me and see me more as a safe authority than fuckable (mostly) so I can relax around them, not worried. But there are still catcalls and shit, I fully expect to be 90 and have someone yell “lookin’ spry, grandma!”. Don’t think that is actually about how you look, those guys are relentless.

My trajectory may be different from most, I was a very skinny tall girl in a world where that was most assuredly not seen as sexy, so I didn’t feel pretty as a young woman, nor did most guys see me as sexy. There were some creepy old guys into it but that sure didn’t make me feel sexy at all. Also my ex liked me ‘despite’ my lack of curves. Fast forward 25 years, we split and in the meantime, the world had changed, the smaller boobs and lean body held up and more guys my age were into my looks, it took some time to adjust but I actually feel more attractive and sexy in my mid 50s than I did in my 20s or 30s. Don’t look better in an absolute sense (if I could have been young now, I mean, with the wider beauty standards) but in relation to my peers, definitely better now.

I’m oblivious and always have been. I assume every smile is a friendly smile and I’m ok chatting with almost anyone. I only really notice if someone says something creepy or touches me too much. My husband accuses me of flirting with everyone.

I’m a trans woman, have been transitioning for 10 years. It’s really hit or miss whether or not people can clock me. I’ve had friends know me for two years without knowing I was trans.

Men ogle and catcall me frequently, it’s annoying as fuck since I’m not even straight. It’s flattering when queer women hit on me though. I’ve been both catcalled and misgendered within the same block. I also tend to have a strong social presence which is both a blessing and a curse.

Also, men cannot take no as an answer. I often pretend I have a boyfriend since creeps are more respectful of imaginary men than real women.