Anon wants to be a vampire

People have more or less completely forgotten that vampires are meant to represent the monstrosity of an unchecked aristocracy/wealthy upper class. They sold their souls for power and now live exclusively by feeding off those beneath them. You don’t just ‘become’ a vampire like you don’t just ‘become’ rich. You can certainly become enthralled to a vampire though

I never actually realised this. Now I’m going to be thinking about every depiction of vampires I’ve been exposed to, for the rest of the day.

That was never the case. Traditional folk tales about vampires were a way to understand corpse decomposition. The narrative changed in 1819.

“That was never the case.” “That then became the case.”

which anthropologist are you relying on for this analysis?

Minus: can’t eat garlic.

also: can’t spill rice.

You can, it’s just awful time consuming

Probably a pretty relaxing way to spend an afternoon if you do it on purpose 🤷

“What did you do over the weekend, Bob?”

“Oh, not much. Sired a few goths, threw some meditation rice. You know, the usual”

Man if I can’t have Caesar salad you might as well just drive a stake into my heart now.

Substitute with the much superior shalot. Reign supreme into eternity.

I mean, you probably can, once.

Jokes on you Anon! If everyone is a vampire then who’s blood do you suck?

You farm the remaining humans like livestock? We mastered factory farming 100 years ago, no reason things need to change just because the animals can talk back.

(banned from /c/veganism)

Okay but among those people who choose to remain human, how many of us would be okay with donating blood every two weeks in exchange for food and rent?

Think about it. If the vampires have all the power, why would they kill their food source when the longer they let their food source live the more food they get out of it?

Let us tra-la-la and have happy-go-lucky existences, which will probably make our blood taste better to them, and they can spend their eternities competing for resources or whatever makes a vampire happy after the first 500 years.

I see a novel forming.

Fun fact, human blood can be vegan, as long as the human is consenting

the definition of veganism has nothing to do with consent, only exploitation.

This was part of the plots in the movies Blade & Blade 2.

The problem becomes apparent in this film: https://m.imdb.com/title/tt0433362/

We mastered factory farming 100 years ago

Speak for yourself! I haven’t even begun practicing yet!

I’m still salty that PETA stole their web domain from People Eating Tasty Animals.

He would quickly become pro-immigration

Or a bunch of redneck vampires invade Mexico

Quick! Book a pitch meeting with the heads of all the major studios!

I’m thinking Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter meets Here Comes Honey Boo Boo meets Duck Dynasty!

Haven’t you watched From Dusk 'til Dawn? Vampires come FROM Mexico

Anon has not considered the consequences of an entire nation of hungry vampires devoid of humans.

Well we have cows, might as well have human farms. Maybe genetically modified human with pockets of blood on their belly

Delicious, juicy blood pockets.

I read this in Jim Gaffigan’s voice the way he says hot pockets

what? so you have to bend over? naw. put that blood pocket on their neck like nature intended.

I too watched the blade movies

Wasnt there a movie about this where almost everyone was basically a vampire, and started running out of humans and human blood to eat?

I think it was Daybreakers

If I’m not mistaken, it’s also the source of that meme of William Dafoe looking up

You maybe right on that

the most excellent-premise-crappy-execution movie i’ve ever seen

This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you’re new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

Anon is often crazy.
Anon is often depressed.
Anon frequently shares thoughts that are immature, offensive, or incomprehensible.

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

Anon wants to be a vampire(sh.itjust.works)

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