65 points

He’s not going to jail.

Simple battery, rich white kid. Do the math.

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35 points
*

Yeah, it’s a class A misdemeanor in Illinois, so he’ll almost certainly get probation.

Edit: Ironically, he might catch a felony for destruction of property if her phone was worth more than $500.

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3 points

Do the math.

I read that as “do the meth” at first for some reason 😄

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2 points

So is that why the Jaguar failed? It was marketed exclusively to meth-users? I mean, it’s a decently-sized and underserved market, but maybe they didn’t have enough money to be buying game consoles in the 1990s.

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39 points

Been pretty quiet for the last two weeks

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36 points

I thought it was because he got caught with gay sex tape?

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18 points

I heard that too. Making a gay sex tape.

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32 points

He also stole her phone, then later broke it.

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24 points

You kind of abandon the moral highroad when you turn this into a joke about prison rape. It says something bleak about the human condition that people are for prison reform until someone they don’t like gets sent to prison.

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3 points

Why not both? Except the high road, that’s not going to get you any friends anyways

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