I’m a bit lost here, to be fair. I went full no contact with my family back when I was 16. Took a hike, even across countries. So, apparently what happened, was my ex brother in law not keeping his mouth shut and sharing my number with my family. I still can’t make heads or tails of it. But now my dad wants to be real chummy and friendy with me? Fuck that, honestly. I’m not super mad at him, more at the rest of my family, but it seriously hurts right now. What am I supposed to do? I’m at a loss here. Haven’t really talked to the person for over 21 years.
Just be really rude, it makes the message clear
You don’t owe them anything just because you share blood. That being said.
Without knowing the background: if it was not him you’re mad at, he might just want to have contact with his offspring. Nothing inherently bad. So why not? Can’t hurt. It’s not yes or no forever. Test what he REALLY wants and decide then? At least you can never blame yourself in the future for not trying, if you’re inclined to doing these things.
But if there is any toxicity at all, fuck it. Ground rule #1 in life: cut toxic people out. Period. Be it blood or stranger. Doesn’t matter. But you already did this long ago, so kudos for that.
Crazy that you say “can’t hurt” despite OP explicitly stating that it already hurts even at the place in the decision making that they are currently in.
As the possibility isn’t off the table (or else there’d be no post) and considering we know absolutely nothing about the why, it sure can’t hurt much more. Or maybe it can and the question was futile. It’s just a wild guess based on nearly no info. And as an optimist, i assume the least bad. Working with badly abused people i sure know the other side.
You never asked to be born. Your parents wanted that. You owe blood relatives nothing. Family are the people you love.
“More at the rest of the family”
If you’re not mad at him that make that clear.
“Yo I’m NC with the family. Not mad at you and if you can STFU I’m willing to consider a discussion. But I’m doing this for you, not for me. What do you want?”
Listen to your you.
I went NC with my father when I was 13. About 10 years later we were in the same hospital room as his mom was getting ready to die. Then again a year later when his dad was, I asked the hospice nurse to remove him for my visit.
About 10 years after that I got a call from my step sis that my father was dying and likely wouldn’t make it past a couple of days, that now was the time to come make amends.
I am so damn thankfull for that call. I still relish that I had the opportunity to actively say “No.” Fuck that guy, worst human I’ve ever met. My life has been awesome without him.
