A brutal series of attacks at a rural monastery in Spain over the weekend has left several people injured, after an assailant reportedly broke in and declared “I am Jesus Christ and I am going to kill the monks.” Following a lengthy search of the countryside around Valencia, police have arrested a man on suspicion of carrying out the vicious attack, which left a 76-year-old man fighting for his life.

Initial reports on Saturday indicated that a Catholic Bishop had been killed during the violent rampage, during which the assailant is alleged to have used a historical artefact, as well as a glass bottle, to attack monks at the monastery. However, emergency services have since confirmed that no one died, but one individual remains in a critical condition in hospital following the assault

23 points

Goddamn it Jesus you couldn’t go do the money changers again? The banks my man not monks, the banks!

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14 points

I am intrigued as to what the “historical artefact” is.

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8 points

It just so happened to be the monastery that kept the cudgel of St. Patrick.

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3 points

THAT’S what St. Patrick’s Day should be about.

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1 point
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12 points

Strange how if you search for another source rather than clicking an utter shitrag like The Mirror, every single result is by an utter fucking shitrag

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9 points

Religion, the eternal mental illness.

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This makes me wanna go have fisticuffs with this Jesus guy declaring myself Methuselah. Get him in a headlock and demand he bless me.

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7 points

“Jesus tags in Herod the Great! Herod’s climbing the turnbuckles… he’s on the top rope… pauses a moment to get the crowd behind him… oh, he’s going for the elbow drop on Methuselah…!”

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