The only thing stopping me from cutting myself with my kitchen knife is the fact that I insist on all my kitchenware be only used on vegan products

Me, an intermittently suicidal person, when holding a big knife: “No one is around - cut through the air like a sword so it makes that neat ‘wooshing’ sound”

If a knife isn’t meant to cut my own wrists, why am I holding it a perfect arms length away?

Check mate arteries 😏

My knife just says weeeee when it cuts vegetables.

Different brands maybe?

suicide is cringe song