104 points
*

I know a large portion of them genuinely don’t believe in the science or what have you, but a majority of them simply don’t give a fuck, because they’ve been promised a golden mansion and all of their loved ones healthy and happy. And all they have to do is stay meek and easily forgive all transgressions until they die. Then they’re free!

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58 points

HA! Meek and forgiving my ass.

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40 points

They forgive the real aggressors and unload all that anger at targets chosen by the very same aggressors.

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9 points

Bullies 4 life

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4 points
*

This guy gets it.

Sorry. Lady.

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26 points

Yeah this. Shortly before he left the church, a friend of mine’s pastor told him not to recycle because it delays the end times. These people want Armageddon and think they’re doing god’s work by hurrying it along.

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12 points

According to mainstream Christianity, that’s trying to force God to do something. And the Bible is clear that nobody, not even the faithful, will know when the end times will come.

Not that I care, being an atheist. But these people make shit up without even bothering to see if it’s consistent with the shit that’s already been made up.

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4 points

How about this, if god has a plan, all prayer for favoritism is a subversive of that plan. People will pray for their kid’s little league team to win, but eye ball parasites must stay.

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6 points

“However, no one knows the day or hour when these things will happen, not even the angels in heaven or the Son himself. Only the Father knows.".

I feel like I should start calling myself an ironic Christian because I’ve actually read the book.

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4 points

Making decisions in God’s name - that should be heretical or something?

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59 points
*

tinfoil hat wearing doomsday preppers: what if there’s a disease outbreak? we should learn how to be independent and how to take care of our health

scientists: well, there is

tinfoil hat wearing doomsday preppers: no zombies? must be fake news :(

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12 points
*

There are doomsday prepper magazines, which seems like it would be a poor business model if they were right, what with it relying on future issues coming out to sell advertising.

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11 points

I dunno, sounds pretty good to me. If you’re wrong, there’s always the mystery of what the future could bring to sell your magazines. If you’re right, you’ve suddenly got a huge list of addresses for people you know are probably well stocked with pretty much whatever you told them they needed.

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6 points

My perspective has been that if things really do go to shit to the level of what peppers believe, financial stuff won’t really matter unless you’ve invested in setting up a self-sufficient compound. And even then, owning such a compound would likely be as much of a liability than an asset because unless there’s many such compounds, you’re going to get swarmed by anyone who hears about it, so you’ll also need security forces and equipment to defend it.

And if you have a small army on the compound, good luck not getting couped by them.

A business venture like a magazine would be completely irrelevant if society ends. But it might make a decent income in the time between now and the end. And it’ll be kinda like religion: once anyone is in a position to find out how good any of your advice really was, they won’t likely be in a position to get upset with you if it was all just made up.

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8 points

God, that pissed me off so much about the “tough as nails” types. They act like they’re so self sufficient, but the moment a slight inconvenience happened to their entitled lives, they expected the world to bend over backwards for them. Mean while, when I heard that we could have regular, week long power outages because the pole workers might end up hospitalized, I was setting up my generator with a hundred days of fuel.

It was so disappointing when AvE came out in support of the trucker’s protest. Up until that point, he always seemed smarter then that.

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7 points

To reuse that old joke

Libertarians Doomsday preppers are like house cats: absolutely convinced of their fierce independence while utterly dependent on a system they don’t appreciate or understand”

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2 points

I mean basically this: They expect something like a Movie but when something happens in reality they turn around and are like “nope”.

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57 points

Dear Milena,

I wish the world were ending tomorrow. Then I could take the next train, arrive at your doorstep in Vienna, and say: “Come with me, Milena. We are going to love each other without scruples or fear or restraint. Because the world is ending tomorrow.” Perhaps we don’t love unreasonably because we think we have time, or have to reckon with time. But what if we don’t have time? Or what if time, as we know it, is irrelevant? Ah, if only the world were ending tomorrow. We could help each other very much.

Franz Kafka

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52 points
*

Christians in 1st century: the world is ending very soon!
Muslims in 7th century: the world is ending very soon!
Mormons in 19th century: the world is ending very soon!

Given enough apocalyptic religions one of them would be right, but I think that religion doesn’t exist yet.

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17 points

Apocalypticism will always be in fashion.

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10 points

When you make people follow bunch of rules that nobody else follows, you need some kind of carrot to dangle in front of them. Salvation and afterlife rewards don’t cost anything and there’s zero chance you need to pay up or get called no your bullshit. Win-win.

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15 points

Mine says the world has already ended, does that count?

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The classical options are that the world will end in the future, is currently ending, or ended in the past. Today, I’m here to tell you that there is another option: the world never even existed. Poof!

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10 points

The mayan one in 2012 was the best one so far. There was some real hype about it, movies, media, news, everyone was on it.

In the end it turned out that it was the day Gangnam Style became the first youtube video reaching 1 billion views. Some would say it really was the apocalypse.

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10 points

Christians in the 1st century? So people that followed Paul after he wrote the earliest texts around 50-60AD?

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14 points
*

Peter himself.

And then before the turn of the 5th century, the 10th century, the 15th century… Christians do love those round numbers.

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3 points

The Yahweh cult was a doomsday cult wasn’t it?

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4 points

Not all early Christians followed Paul. The church in Jerusalem under James was at odds with Paul on a number of subjects. There were also more radical groups outside Jerusalem that combined Christianity with Greek philosophy, having women preaching and leading congregations, and incorporating various mystical beliefs that didn’t originate in Judaism or the teachings of Jesus.

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2 points

Matthew 16:28 - “Truly I tell you, some who are standing here will not taste death before they see the Son of Man coming in his kingdom.”

Jesus himself said that his own followers would be alive to see the end of the world. Hence the medieval legend of The Wandering Jew.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wandering_Jew

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6 points

As always, Wikipedia is a good resource here:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_dates_predicted_for_apocalyptic_events

Incomplete, obviously.

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6 points
*

The Muslims have never had a big, convoluted End Times mythos like the Christians, at least not in the Qur’an. At some point in the indefinite future, there will be Judgement Day, and everybody living or dead will get hauled in front of Allah and the recording angel will play back your scorecard. Then it’s Jinnah (heaven) or Jehenna (hell).

There are quite a number of hadiths (extra-scriptural reports of things Muhammad said or did) that talk about the end times. Hadiths are assessed by Islamic scholars based on their provenance and general credibility. Those originating from people close to the Prophet are ranked higher; those that contradict the Qur’an are downgraded. Most of the non-Qur’anic end times narratives sound very similar to Christian eschatology, except that the Mahdi, the successor prophet to Muhammad, appears. Jesus (Issa) returns (and maybe he’s the same guy as the Mahdi?), there’s the Antichrist (the Dajjal) stirring up mischief, there are signs and portents, the giants Gog and Magog running amok, the stars fall from the sky as meteors, etc, etc.

It’s not as entertaining as Ragnarök, but it’s more coherent than the Christian fundies’ fanfic.

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41 points

American Evangelicals: THE RAPTURE IS COMING AND THE TRIBULATION IS NIGH!

Jehovah’s witnesses: THEY ARE COMING FOR US, THEY’RE COMING FOR US BECAUSE WE’RE WITNESSES!

Mormons: WE’RE GONNA NEED THE FOOD STORES WE WERE TOLD TO MAKE, JUST YOU WAIT!

Scientists: Climate Change will lead to everything going to shit if we don’t do shit now.

All of them together: BULLSHIT!

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15 points

Scientists: Climate Change will lead to everything going to shit if we don’t change our gluttonous ways and become good stewards of Creation.

Supply Side Jesus: HERESY!

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6 points
*

You send me looking and at least the JW believe in climate change and argue that it was foretold in the Bible.

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1 point

Yeah, JWs (I’m ex) believe climate change is foretold in Rev 11:18, which says (dunno which version, just googled, but not the JW version as it uses ruining the Earth);

The nations raged, but your wrath came, and the time for the dead to be judged, and for rewarding your servants, the prophets and saints, and those who fear your name, both small and great, and for destroying the destroyers of the earth.

Italics mine. JW version is bring >“to ruin those ruining the Earth.” Either way, they believe that means God will stop and destroy those bringing about climate change. Since it relies on God, it’s another one that really doesn’t help even if they believe in in, because they believe God will stop it before it’s too late.

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