Hello. For context, I am in a university. I do not have any friends, and it feels like colleagues talk bad about me. This makes me quite hesitant to join any circles or attend seminars. I am not sure it is everyone who thinks bad about me though, I fear about asking. Yet I plan to do research, so I should attend seminars to learn current trends and stuffs. May I ask what I should do in such a situation? Are friends necessary, or not really? Also should I stop being in this environment and get a job instead? Thanks for reading lengthy paragraph, I would love any comments or advice for this.
Please don’t give up on making friends - you just haven’t found your group yet and it may or may not be the same people you’re with in University. See if there’s a group nearby that shares an interest in an activity you enjoy. Give yourself a goal of trying 3 activities/groups and attend a few sessions. It’s sometimes tempting to bail after a single session, so I’d try to stick with it a few times (unless you’re absolutely certain you will never enjoy it).
As others in this thread have said, most other people are too busy and involved in their own lives to think that much about anyone else, so I suspect your concerns about people talking badly about you are very overblown. Don’t let your insecurities fill in an imaginary void of what other people are thinking.
Being social is a skill and it takes time to hone, just like any other. You have to put in the time and be willing to put yourself in the vulnerable position of being around new people and accept that you’re going to click with some better than others.
Friendships are vitally important to our mental health and I hope you don’t give up on forging them. You just haven’t found your circle yet, so keep trying!
Not sure if this works for you, but when I’m in a socially confusing situation, I involve people. If you think someone is talking bad about you, ask them about it. Ask for guidance. If you ask someone for help, they will often remember it positively. It takes courage to ask for help, as it’s a sign of weakness, and people usually respect that you trust them with your request.
Ideally it will turn out to be a misunderstanding, or you get some constructive criticism, or you get a confirmation that people are actually talking bad about you. At least you will have more clarity. If there wasn’t really anything bad going on, now you’re still in a conversation. Even if you say thanks and end the conversation, you’ve broken the ice with that person.
Friends are very much necessary. You need people in your environment, other than your family, to exchange ideas with and talk about things that are on your mind. Don’t try to substitute friends with online relationships. It will never be equal. Finding local people with similar interests online is fine if that helps you to reach out. You can’t force making friends, it’s a waste of time. Start with making one friend. Quality over quantity
Asking to people a bit far away will be even more weird behavior. Currently, most people do not sit near me.
Are you a boring person ? I’m in a similar situation and pretty much figured out that this was the issue
Get a degree, get a dog, make art not friends.
Ur not a snitch are you?
