Hello. For context, I am in a university. I do not have any friends, and it feels like colleagues talk bad about me. This makes me quite hesitant to join any circles or attend seminars. I am not sure it is everyone who thinks bad about me though, I fear about asking. Yet I plan to do research, so I should attend seminars to learn current trends and stuffs. May I ask what I should do in such a situation? Are friends necessary, or not really? Also should I stop being in this environment and get a job instead? Thanks for reading lengthy paragraph, I would love any comments or advice for this.
Hi, are you neurodivergent by any chance?
Okay, well I’ll try to answer your questions as directly as possible.
Attending seminars to learn about current interests is a very clinical approach, that won’t ever really capture what those trends are and you will appear to be even more of an outsider imitating the ‘insiders’. I personally wouldn’t recommend it, maybe try looking to find a group hobby that you can do with other people (DnD, walking, photography, book club, sports, etc).
Are friends necessary, or not really?
Necessary is subjective. But at least for me I find having some social connections I can talk with helps, and is overall a net positive on my quality of life. Also good friends can end up being with you for life, certainly a good investment.
Also should I stop being in this environment and get a job instead?
That depends, why are you in University? If it’s purely for academic learning, just focus on your studies. If it’s to gain life experiences as well, go out and seek people. If it’s neither, and you can’t think of any other reason to be in such an environment than maybe a job would be a good change.
I want to do research, that is why I am in the uni. Problem is, network effect is strong in academia, so being isolated is not great for that…
I just read the rules, does this post break rule 3? Where is the better place to ask this question?
Ostracized and isolated are two very different things, do you think there’s an intent that’s actively excluding you or are you welcome but personally uncomfortable forming social bonds?
What gives you the impression that others are badmouthing you? In cases like this, I have come to realize that it mostly boils down to indifference. People have their own lives and social circles to pay attention to, and as such their interactions with you would be neutral, which can seem cold.
If the above is the case, you’re not ostracized, you just haven’t found anyone to connect with (yet). I suggest you attend events, and hopefully you’ll get to know someone better.
It comes from that I hear people talking bad about me. Like, saying that I am a freak (or similar).
Unless you can think of what could’ve caused this, I suggest you attend the seminars. If someone there doesn’t like you just because you’re you, that’s their problem.
You won’t like everyone you’ll ever meet. And not everyone you meet will like you. And sometimes there will be actual dislike in the mix. It’s just how life is.
Wow. People can be so cruel. Have you heard them say why they feel this way?
it feels like colleagues talk bad about me.
What makes you say that? It’s pretty likely that’s just your anxiety talking.
I’m not exactly the most social—or even socially competent—person, but I know friends are important to have, especially if you don’t have family you can lean on. Friends can balance you out and provide alternate perspectives when you need them, and we all need them sometimes.
Also, I’m pretty sure having (good) friends is beneficial for your mental health. Having no friends can be detrimental to it.
Regardless of what you decide, I suggest putting yourself out there. Start slowly, and ask people about themselves. It can very difficult and stressful at first, but it does get easier over time.
It might be a good idea to make a pros/cons list for staying/getting a job; I’m sure there are other important factors to consider aside from the social climate.
I feel people are badmouthing me since I am hearing words like weirdo, freak, or disabled. It can be illusory, but I do think I hear them. It’s that my parents and psychiatrists say it cannot be real, so I might be mistaking something.
