I just got out of a 10+ year relationship a couple months ago, rather suddenly and not of my own volition. I do not fault my former partner, she did what she felt she had to do to be happy. Unfortunately, turns out, I didn’t really have any friends of my own, I was just a hanger-on to her group. I have done a bad job of keeping in touch with anyone outside of this group, and I find myself very lonely nowadays.
Things have been tough for me for this and several other reasons the last couple years, and while I am incredibly thankful for my family taking me back in and supporting me while I get back on my feet, they can’t be the only people I interact with. That said, how does one actually accomplish this? I’m pushing 40, I live in a rural area (30 minute drive to anything that isn’t run and populated by out-and-out racists), and I’m broke as hell. I’m not particularly even interested in dating, just making some new friends and not being so lonely all the time. Where can you go and what can you do nowadays that doesn’t cost a bunch of money and people are willing to talk to strangers? Internet or IRL, I suppose, but IRL is better because God I need to get out of the house more.
Usually the best way to find new people is to get into an activity or hobby. Use meetup, or Facebook events, or other local event coordinating services to find activities or events you’re interested, go and chat with people, and if you hit it off with people after a few times seeing them, try to make a connection individually outside the group, like meeting up for coffee or a beer, etc.
The hard thing you’ll find as you age though, is there’s a finite amount of social attention people have with their lives, and as people age and establish their groups of friends, sometimes its hard to break into their circles as they’ve already kinda maxed out their in life social network. Sometimes they either aren’t really looking to add more friends, and include more people in their life, or just don’t think to invite you to events etc. Breaking though that, or finding people open to adding more to their social networks, can be hard as you age.
There’s no meetup group for smoking weed and going back to sleep unfortunately. I already checked.
I just had a conversation about this, among other things. The thing is: we have no idea. Also I don’t think Reddit-for-nerds (Lemmy) is that great of a place to ask this.
If you do get an answer, act upon it, and it works, please remember me and tell me.
Some years ago reddit was the reddit for nerds. The demographic probably has shifted more towards normies by now.
Basically you have to bond over a game, be it physical, like sports or board like regular board games or as many people mentioned here D&D. For sports, regardless of your skill level, there’s a group. Beer leagues and such. Solo sports like mountain biking can work too but you have to be super consistent and really get into the sport where you have common ground.
If physical stuff is out of the question, then you have your board games. Even small towns have meetups.
The important thing is actually doing these. Friends don’t just come to you and you have to be consistent. Most people don’t just become friends in one or two sessions, it takes time and rapport building. And you can’t always wait for others to initiate the friends part. You might have to be the one that goes “hey wanna grab some wings after this.”
Step 1 - Move to Cleveland.
That’s it. There is no step 2. Everytime I leave the house, all I hear is “Oh, hey! I like your jacket!” Or “Heeeey, you know what time it is!!!” (as said as I’m carrying a 24 pack).
Or “Whats goin’ on my brotha from anotha motha???”
I’m not particularly social, so I just fake my way through these interactions. But it’s my understanding that 260K people (or whatever Cleveland has) are all one big social group, and we all go out drinking every day.
Except I don’t really like being around strangers. So I just power through and get home quickly. But I’m sure you could have a 2 hour talk with any rando on the street.
short question - do you mean Cleveland, OH, or Cleveland, TN, or Cleveland, TX, or Cleveland, GA?
Sounds nice actually. Everyone here stays inside because it is hot right now.
Community college. Took a few classes I never would have normally chosen like art or acting. I was a stay at home introvert who was way past college days, so I couldn’t figure out how to put myself into social situations. But I do like to learn, so signed myself up for some night classes. Ended up dating a few people, made new friends, and married one of them. Night classes bring in the adults who have to work during the day, a few kids too, but I met just about every age group from young to very old. Study groups, group projects, anything that will involve working with or helping classmates, or anything that you think is interesting really. Have life long friends now because of that decision.
Go back to where you first learned how to make friends, go back to school.
