A person’s actions to being a good person is much more important that a person’s thoughts. The most well meaning inactive person may be at best a neutral impact on the world, while the most sinister villain of internal thought that acts only altruistically would be considered a hero.
Is this a leading question regarding religion?
Anyway, if you can’t control the watcher, and the premise is they are always there, and always will be, you still have to live a life.
If all they ever do is watch, they technically have no impact on you, so your opinion of integrity is unchanged. It’s like they don’t really exist, aside from the observation.
If they have some judgement on you, then you are functionally living under duress, and the concept of integrity is a mess. There are far bigger problems happening to your “life”
No, it’s not solely about religion, but it is part of it. It was motivated by me trying to understand myself.
I was raised by a parent that was always keeping tabs on whether or not i was doing shit right. He let me know when i didn’t. This was followed by an ex wife that proved to be exponentially worse.
I was also raised Christian, but have since evolved my ideas of what a higher power may or may not be. I know this has a lot to do with how by brain functions today.
I guess the leading part was if anyone else feels the same way.
I may have gotten a bit too high last night.
Of course, just because there’s an audience doesn’t mean you’re pandering to it.
Fundamentally, integrity is an internal concept.
Only you can know if you have it, because only you can truly know your motivations.
As long as your moral choices are truly based on your own principles and you would do the same regardless of observation, then you have integrity.
External factors can only give you reasons to pretend you have integrity, but they can’t prevent you genuinely having it.
This strikes me the same as saying, “No matter what I do or say to myself, I feel deeply in my soul that I am a bad/flawed person.”
https://www.liberationhealingseattle.com/blog-trauma-therapist/ptsd-core-beliefs-trauma-survivors
You’re welcome! I also experience that, so I noticed it intuitively. Lately, I’ve been trying to navigate it myself by realizing that sometimes I say lies just to prove it right. Like, I will confess to intentions I didn’t have or even behaviors I didn’t commit just so people can think that. Like, I might go somewhere with a friend and accidentally forget my wallet. When it comes time to pay for something sporadic, I admit that I left my wallet at home to not have to pay. Or, I might admit to stealing something I payed for. I don’t know why I do it, but I think it’s related to the belief that I’m a bad person and want others to think that because it would be validating. It also gives the impression that I’m sneaky, so it serves as a warning for people to not try shady crap with me. I know it’s not healthy and don’t like that I do that, so I’m trying to work on it. I think the root cause is the core belief that I’m bad and don’t deserve love. I’m freaking crazy lol…aww 🙁
If you feel like you are always watched, you might want to check in with a psychiatrist. In all seriousness.
