There’s a crowdsourced full-length Shakespearean translation of Pulp Fiction called Bard Fiction, and it’s quite good.
JULIUS
Forsooth, did I thy concentration break? Continue, please! Thou did, methinks, now speak Of our ill will. But now thy tongue is still? Allow me, then, to offer a retort. Describe to me Marsellus Wallace, pray.
BRITTANUS
What?
JULIUS
In which far land did thou first come to be?
BRITTANUS
What?
JULIUS
Thou sayest thou dost hail from distant What! I know but naught of thy strange country What. Which language speak they in the land of What?
BRITTANUS
What?
JULIUS
English, base knave, dost thou speak it?
BRITTANUS
Aye!
JULIUS
Then my words are not Greek to thy dull ears.
BRITTANUS Nay!
JULIUS Then hearken to my words and answer them! Describe to me Marsellus Wallace!
BRITTANUS What?
JULIUS (Holds his blade pointed at Brittanus’ eye) Speak “What” again! Thou cur, cry “What” again! I dare thee utter “What” again but once! I dare thee twice and spit upon thy name! Now, paint for me a portraiture in words, If thou hast any in thy head but “What”, Of Marsellus Wallace!
People have actually put it on stage too, it works.
Excerpt from the play: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6dfLkcTAR80
It really amazes me how theater actors are able to memorize an entire play.
They probably use the memory palace technique. Each line can be thought of as a picture that reminds them of the line. Then you place that picture inside a fake palace or museum in your mind. Then you take a tour of the museum or palace in your head and you remember the lines. The technique is also used to remember large numbers like pi.
Oh god! And this comment:
“Dids’t thou see a sign upon my domicile stating “Dead Moor Storage?””
I like how Julius’ lines fit the pentameter, but Brittanus’ “What?” shits right past it.
Ye Olde English, you crooked nosed knave, dost thou speak it?
Fun fact:
Ye is not pronounced with entirely vowel sounds, as is often heard. Y was a thorn in middle and Early Modern English, which represented the “th” sound so it was still pronounced the.
(This was just a linguistics fun fact, in old English the thorn would have been written Þ or þ which ruins your joke, but wasn’t my intent :( )
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thorn_(letter)
Relevant bit: with the arrival of movable typeprinting, the substitution of ⟨y⟩ for ⟨Þ⟩ became ubiquitous, leading to the common “ye”, as in ‘Ye Olde Curiositie Shoppe’. One major reason for this was that ⟨Y⟩ existed in the printer’s types that were imported from Belgium and the Netherlands, while ⟨Þ⟩ did not.[5] The word was never pronounced as /j/, as in ⟨yes⟩, though, even when so written.[6]
The face-off we didn’t know we needed
Some time ago I translated a chunk of that scene into Latin. Here’s a bigger one. I’ll use spoilers to avoid clutter.
FICTIO PVLPAE - IN AEDICVLA
[Britto] Excusa, nomen tuum non tenui. Cepi tuum, Vincentius, sic? Sed tuum non cepi…
[Iulius] Ego sum Caui. Et culus teus ex merda hac non blaterabit.
[Britto] Non, non, modo uolo te scire… modo uere nos lamentare, resem inter Dominum Alienis et nos irrumauisse, te scire uolo. Participabamus cum uoluntatibus optimis, et numquam eg…
[Iulius] [uirum in lecto sagittat] Aa, ignosce mihi, mentem tuam fregi? Nolebam. Rogo te sequi, aliquem de «uoluntatibus optimis» dicebas. Ita? Ha, terminauisti! Bene, cede me respondere. Quid Marcellus Alienis similat?
[Britto] Quid?
[Iulius] Vnde es?
[Britto] Quid? Quid? Qu-?
[Iulius] «Quid» terram nullam scio. In «quid» latine loquumturne?
[Britto] Quid?
[Iulius] LATINE, PATHICE! LATINE LOQVERISNE?
[Britto] Loquor! Sic loquor!
[Iulius] Subaudis me igitur!
[Britto] Subaudio!
[Iulius] Describe uultum Marcelli Alienis.
[Britto] Quid?
[Iulius] Dice «quid» iterum. Prouoco te «quid» iterum dicere, prouoco dupliciter pathice, dice «quid» de-merda-nuo!
[Britto] A-a-aquilus est…
[Iulius] Perge!
[Britto] Caluus…
[Iulius] Num lupam similat?
[Britto] Quid?
[Iulius] [scapulam Brittonis sagittat] LVPAMNE… ILLE… TIBI… SIMILAT???
[Britto] Nullo modo!
[Iulius] Quare sicut lupam illum igitur irrumare uis, Britto?
[Britto] Nolo!
[Iulius] Per hercle Britto, irrumauisti! Sic! Tu Marcellum irrumare conatus es!
[Britto] Non, non…
[Iulius] Sed Marcellus Alienis sexus in os eius non amat. Nisi Dominae Alienis.
Translation notes (NSFW - lots of sex-based vulgarities)
Names were mostly adapted by etymology: Jules→Iulius, Brett→Britto, Vincent→Vincentius, Marsellus→Marcellus. “Caui” (Pitt) is literally “of the cave/pit”, “Alienis” (Wallace) is roughly “foreigner”.
“Culus teus ex merda hac non blaterabit” - literally “your arse won’t babble out of this shit”.
“Lupa” is a female wolf, slang for prostitute. Seems fitting for “bitch”.
English “motherfucker” could be translated literally as “fututor matris”, but come on, it’s simply an abuse word. So I’m subbing it with pathicus (a man receptive to anal sex), it was considered a big insult in Rome.
English uses one verb (fuck) for what Latin uses three, based on the orifice: “irrumo” (mouth), “futuo” (vagina), “pedico” (anus). I originally used “futuo” for Brett metaphorically screwing with Marcellus, but it doesn’t work well for this reason, so I subbed it with “irrumo”. For reference check Catullus XVI.
I also had to adapt Jules’ joke near the end, from fucking to a reference to oral sex. Retranslated it’s “but Marcellus Wallace doesn’t like genitals in his mouth. Except Mrs. Alienis’.”
“Doth he exude similarities to a wench?”
