53 points

“How are you,” is one of those loaded questions I never know how to answer.

Is it part of a greeting? Do you genuinely want to know? Do I lie and keep the peace, or do I open up and bring you down?

Anyway, I’m doing fine, how are you?

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21 points

“I’m alive” is an appropriately ambiguous answer, imo.

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20 points

Living the dream

Translation: existential woe, thx for asking

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14 points

Same old, same old

Translation: still stuck in some horrible cycle

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15 points

It’s a greeting, and an invitation to open up if you like.

I’m autistic and I get this. You can learn this stuff. Just respect we’ve got a culture here. Obviously “How are you?” is a symbolic hello.

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10 points

It’s like a health check. When you hit /api/health/ it probably doesn’t report all the details like number of users created today, count of files in the S3 bucket, whatever. It checks that shit’s basically working, it heard your request, and now everything is 200 OK.

(No, you can’t return a 204 no content in this metaphor because that’s not what the client is expecting. If they don’t get a 200 back, they’re going to think something is wrong and investigate.)

I’m just assuming some of you are like backend developers and this metaphor will make sense to you.

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2 points

How do I return a 403 to the person asking

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3 points

I prefer the 418 response

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2 points

“I am not allowed to tell you”

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6 points

Maybe they’re shy and don’t complete the sentence. They wanna know “How are you so handsome?”, but don’t dare to ask such personal questions.

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1 point

That sounds like an accusation against either your intelligence, or your standing in life.

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5 points

the answer is always “fine” and possibly a “how are you?”.

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4 points

“How are you?”, is basically an open question of “what have I done lately? where am I headed?” It’s an invitation to politely level some burden at least, but this also includes taking in some burden of the friend.

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41 points

Someone recently hit me with, “What do you have going on the rest of the day?” and I stood in stunned silence for way too long.

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17 points

I’ve adopted, “Nothing, it’s great!”

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9 points

I usually just say “recovering from this” and gesture vaguely at everything

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3 points

I like asking coworkers near the end of our shift, “What’s for dinner?”

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3 points

Weeping and wailing

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3 points

I alwas answer those questions with a “why’s that?”, makes them actually asknwhat they want while you think of a lie.

You’re not gonna trick me into hanging out with you this time!

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2 points

as little as possible.

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19 points

I just hate being asked what I do for a living. What’s the point? So one of us can be like “Oh…” and subconsciously feel below the other person?

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6 points

I used to do that before I knew better. Now I slap my knee and say “so how about this crazy weather, huh?” whilst maintaining fierce eye contact so that they’re pressured into not rolling theirs. I’m a much better person now.

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5 points

I don’t get the below part honestly. No matter what you do, your job is probably needed. If you’re not paid well, that’s not really your fault.

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12 points
*

No one has ever belittled me in the past so it’s not as though I’ve been ridiculed, but I recall years back when I had just immigrated to Canada and had started out as a grocery clerk/stock guy at the grocery chain I manage at now. It was my wife’s convocation (CPA) in a very upscale gala sort of environment. We were seated at a large round table with several newly designated accountants and several distinguished CAs, CPAs and other professionals.

Naturally at some point I was asked what I do, and I had to state in front of everyone that I was a stocker at a grocery store. Nobody laughed or anything like that, but there was that awkward kind of pause where the table recognized that I was not accomplished. I remember feeling more humiliated in that moment than I probably should have. It was a blow to my self-esteem, and not the only time I’ve felt that way in my life. It’s why I don’t ask others what they do. Imagine being unemployed or something in that moment. Just kind of brings you down in front of others needlessly, and it sucks because there genuinely is nothing wrong with being a stocker.

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3 points

I respond to that with, “Oh you know, a little bit of this and a little bit of that.”

Better to have them look down their noses at me all night thinking I’m unemployed than endure hours on end of questions like, “I inseminated my horse with my own fluids so I don’t have to pay income taxes now, right?”

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3 points

Oh, the burden of other peoples thoughts~

I always find it weird when someone asks for my, or answers with their, profession. Because that usually says very little about someone. A better question is what someone likes to spend their free time with.

Most people have something they are passionate about. And the weirder, the better. Because weird hobbies are something that many feel judged for. But engaging positively with someones isopod collection, really tends to get people out of their shell.

It becomes something to bond over and it’s much more interesting than “train conductor”.

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18 points
*

thats easy, answer like this. it works like a charm im sure

what do you do for fun?

answer: no

how are you?

answer: also no

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7 points

Oh how much I wish people would actually understand this reply.

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3 points

no

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3 points

no

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18 points
*

Try to give the minimum acceptable response like, “fine” or, “nothing,” and MFs think you’re being mysterious and keep pressing.

Can’t win!

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14 points

Like my Uber passengers who will not stop asking until they’ve nailed down exactly where I’m from.

No matter how slowly and gradually I trickle the information out they just don’t get the hint.

“Are you from Denver originally?”

“No but I’ve been here about ten years now. This feels like home to me”

“Where are you from?”

“The Midwest”

“Which state?”

“Indiana”

“Which city?”

“Terre Haute”

“Oh yeah which part?”

… three hours later …

“Which bedroom is yours?”

“Which side of the bed did you sleep on?”

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4 points

Why tho

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-1 points

Autism would be my guess, except that I’m autistic and now that I’m in my 40s I have some social skills under my belt. Maybe autism combined with zero drive to learn and adapt?

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