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112 points

… what a unique sentence.

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86 points

Probably rug burn from the couch cushions.

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61 points
*

Sadly, this one involves burning the testicles of actual living monkeys, and not merely engaging in private pleasures

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24 points

JD Couch Fucker Vance is coming for that cushion.

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2 points

I love the memes that this rumor has brought about, but i think for integrity’s sake we should make sure people know that we haven’t verifiably found it to be true. https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/jd-vance-hillbilly-elegy-first-edition-couch-erotica/

I do however think its a pretty safe assumption.

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64 points

Headlines are getting wild.

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19 points

Dolphins, monkeys, cats, couches, no dead dogs yet.

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11 points

yet.

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5 points

I missed the cat thing. What did Jorkin Dapeanus Vance do to a cat?

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11 points

Preeeeettty sure his name is Jance Dance Vance, and I won’t be convinced otherwise.

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5 points

google childless cat ladies, it’s legacy.

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2 points

Watch it turn out he was part of the zoosadist group from awhile back.

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CW: animal cruelty

spoiler

From the article:

The test involved 48 beagles and evaluated an analog of the neurotransmitter creatine. Due to toxicity of the test substance, 15 dogs had to be put down. Two more were found dead in the lab.

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37 points

Seems like Trump’s people didn’t do any digging to vet Vance, but the MAGA crowd will write it all off as fake news anyway.

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21 points

Now that’s it’s come out that he got bullied into the JD pick by his failsons, I’m thinking they did do some digging. He just got bullied.

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28 points

failsons

New word of the day!

Noun

An incompetent, unsuccessful middle-class or upper-class man who is protected from economic duress by his family’s wealth or influence.

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Also the fact that Trump only cares about himself and his growing cognitive decline means he probably had zero idea who any of the people on “his short list” even were. So when his offspring offered to make that pick for him I’m sure he was all for it, and being a raging narcissist believed it didn’t even matter against Biden.

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8 points

It’s sad how old he is. Old and quite weird.

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35 points

I wish I’d contented myself with the headline on this one.

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8 points

Thank you for the comment. I’ll let my curiousity go unanswered and my imagination take the reins.

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