I assume years of collectively crying about it online has made something as simple and natural like dating seem like this unachievable task.
Not sure if itâs just me, but I feel like young people are less capable than ever to socialise. I thought I was a social pariah, but I donât have shit on some people out there.
I think a big part of it is online dating is just how itâs done these days.
But yes, weâve done a great job of over-complicating something as simple as human interaction.
I think so too. Online dating is just too convenient. Itâs easier to arrange a date while playing video games than going into a club or other places you donât like to begin with. I wonât lament those places dying out. Fuck them, never felt comfortable there.
But online dating should have made things easier not worse. Then again those sites arenât free of blame too.
The problem with online dating sites is that they have the wrong incentive. They want to make money, not bring people together into lasting relationships.
I was a complete social reject in middle and high school so I donât even know how to people but I just assumed that was just me and my miserable circumstances apparently a lot of people have the same problem?
From what Iâve seen/heard, itâs not specifically the âcrying.â Itâs a general effect from online life. Online activities are much, much easier than in person. Want to feel a connection to someone? Hereâs vloggers, talking straight at you in painfully earnest tones about everything in their life. Want someone to entertain you? Hereâs half a dozen companies fighting to be the one you turn to. Hungry? Forget cooking. Hereâs delivery options from everywhere. Horny? Porn! Itâs all a click away and you donât even need to put on pants. If getting a need met enough to get you to tomorrow takes no effort, many people arenât going to put in the work to get, not even a guarantee, but only a chance at something better.
Well when men keep hearing âdonât approach usâ, we shouldnât be shocked when men donât approach people.
Just be funny and not a piece of shit. My wife is so gorgeous, people immediately know I have a good sense of humor and Iâm supportive. Iâm certainly not rich.
Granted, this is not a good approach for the apps. You need to be able to sell yourself in person. Best dating strategy in this case is making many friends, and some of them will be charmed into attraction. If I were dating, speed dating would probably be workable for this approach.
- Step 1. Be courteous
- Step 2. Interact with people in general
- Step 3. Ask our the people youâre genuinely interested in, and feel you have some kind of connection with, respectfully, knowing rejection is okay
Repeat until you get a date.
Being attractive helps a lot. Obviously. But you can put effort into your appearance. More than anything your personality is the thing that will get you a date.
Having tried Tinder 12 years ago, once, around the time I became an adult, why youâd choose it over asking people out in real life is beyond me. Especially if youâre not very attractive.
The meta is all off haha
If there is one thing the internet has overwhelmingly seceded at itâs convincing people that looks are absolutely everything. A lot of people I know tend to take their dating app experience as solid evidence of their romantic inaptitude. Even when itâs all too well known they are scams designed to keep you on their platform for as long as possible.
I know that preaching about stepping up to women may feel like the same way as saying: âJust be attractive, bro.â And if it does, to that I say: Do it and practise it for the sake of it. âThat looks like a nice person, letâs find out what theyâre about, for no damn reason at all.â
Anyway, my two cents. And if it helps whenever youâre scared of striking up a conversation just keep in mind: âThe alternative is dating apps.â
At the same time, lots of men are really shitty when they âapproachâ women.
âDonât approach usâ is a response to menâs behaviour, not the other way around.
Very incel-y, but sure.
Or, you could take it as a statement with the subtext that it clearly has, which is âdont approach us if youre going to be an asshole.â
If you would rather stew in bitterness than adjust to the above, the first option is likely better for everyone.
Cry me a river. Iâve never heard a women say âdonât approach meâ, but Iâve heard many say âdonât be a doucheâ and âstop thinking youâre a fucking victimâ.
Apparently you already forgot their reasoning behind it. A bear is a known quantity. Humans can lie to gain your trust, then turn on you. They werenât saying all men are bad, they were saying that meeting a stand man alone in the woods - you have no idea how this person will act.
IDK women are not scared of me. Maybe the problem is you? Maybe youâre not the victim you think you are and youâre just an ass?
The fact that yall are still this mad about this just proves that the entire point behind the thought experiment is right.
I keep saying this cause itâs a take a lot of people gloss over. I havenât dated in a while because Iâm too broke to add anything else to my budget, dive bars included. Dating takes time and money, and if I get more of either, Iâm using it to better my situation before thinking about dating.
In a time where real wealth is dwindling for most young men, I can imagine Iâm not alone on this.
Going through the same problem, I was in uni during COVID, when it hit many things in my life changed or left so I shut down and unfortunately couldnât complete my degree in the end. Now Iâm just job hunting and rebuilding and while I do feel pretty lonely at times, I realise I canât even consider talking to a girl romantically until I can rebuild myself (my own choice). Luckily I have this close female friend who i can talk to makes me feel a little less alone
Men donât want to be branded âcreepyâ and women have constantly stated they want to be left alone. Men listened.
Every time I see an article like this I think who fucking cares? Like whatâs going on with men? Its a generational and cultural thing its not menâs fault. Dating sucks, people get rejected in ultra harsh ways, sometimes being filmed and then posted on social media for trying to ask someone out. If I was in the age range to be dating I wouldnât bother.
Might be a good time to downplay the importance of a relationship for a happy life then instead of trying to push the message that your life sucks if you donât have one.
Maybe being alone works for some people, but the desire for intimate relationships is a biological drive in human beings
how do you know they are disaffected. Maybe they are single and just fine with it.
Then perhaps we should expect changes/shifts in womenâs behavior to bridge the gap?
I donât think that cultural evolution is happening - look at Bumble, which had its premise/differentiation with women making the âfirst move.â They eventually had to nix the feature, becauseâŚwomen didnât want to make the first move; they wanted to be pursued. Meanwhile, apps in general are just a minefield of emotional rejection, while Corporate ownership drags men through the muck as long as possible to get those $$$. So most men simply stop using apps and simply wait for some kind of IRL meet-cute. And that sparingly happens in a society that has very, very few places for non-commercial social overlap.
people get rejected in ultra harsh ways, sometimes being filmed and then posted on social media for trying to ask someone out.
Are you sure this isnât exaggerating it a little? This may be anecdotal but I have never dealt with any such harsh rejection within my social circles (neither have my associates). What Iâm trying to get at is that there may be a vocal minority that gets a lot of online attention.
Then again if thousands upon thousands of people see such a post (like on say r/Tinder) and take it as a common phenomenon it would still have the same effect.
Really the fear of it happening is enough. All you have to do is have it happen once, or know someone that it happened to, or see a video of it for that to scare you off of even trying.