Imagine someone says something rude you want to reply to but don’t/can’t. This is annoying but normally you just move on. Sure maybe you’ll think about it a little while later or maybe while in the shower later that day or maybe it will come back you randomly while laying in bed sometime in the future. Still normal (I think…) and pretty manageable.
However, with the right (or wrong) kind of neurodivergence, some days it isn’t possible to let go. Even the slightest annoyance will invade your focus the entire rest of the day. You can’t do anything because you’re just pissed about that thing, or pissed that you’re still thinking about that dumb thing for no reason and can’t get it out of your head. You get mad at being mad. Anger spiral ensues.
Rage wells within you as your frustration rises because you’re trying to focus on other things and this annoyance isn’t worth your time, but you can’t stop because you’re not in control. It’s like a song stuck in your head but even harder to get rid of.
If you’re like me, self destructive fantasies play in your mind to relieve the feeling. This does work but it takes time. Once the anger spiral is gone you feel dumb because like why the fuck did I just spend four fucking hours imagining global conquest because I tripped over my words answering a question in lecture this morning?
Anyway I think this is kind of related to hyper focus. Basically your mind decides—without and/or against your will—to focus on something that angers you all day. You feel the desire to do something about it, but you can’t, and you can’t even really stop focusing on it no matter what you try, so you just get more mad.
Unfortunately it often happens when I’m stressed to begin with because I have tasks I need to get done, but then that stress just feeds the fire. Meditation might be helpful but the most effective option I’ve found is to put on phonk or metal or vocaloid songs that are very fast and loud or violent then imagine acting on my anger till I’ve exhausted all the rage. Once it feels boring to stay mad, I can get back to doing my tasks. Again, this takes time and is probably not the healthiest way to cope, but it works for me so maybe it’ll work for other ADHD peeps who want a solution.
