If you haven’t heard this cliche while discussing your neurodivergency with someone, then I envy your luck. Yesterday I fucked up, I feel shitty, but also I am pissed.
Our brains are impulsive af and tend to forget the most important information. We mess up, our RSD (and empathy) kicks in, we feel terrible, we vow to be more careful, but guess what? Thats fucking exhausting.
As a result, we start overthinking our every waking moment, stressing over every little thing. Because, we are trying to be aware of the things we cannot perceive.
At some point, hopefully we realize that we cannot live like that, and we start to arbitrarily ignore our compulsion to overthink. Most often that works out great because most often the threat is not real, but sometimes we make the wrong call.
The times we overthink are still more than the times we do not, and we still mess up. Let us have our fucking peace.
There are times in our lives when people will need to rely on us. Whether or not you tell them that you are unreliable, or ask that they remind you; it is reasonable for them to be upset if you wind up letting them down. You are not immune from blame. It doesn’t suddenly become their fault for relying on you when you mess up. It is still you who messed up.
If you tell them you can’t do what they rely on you to do, then no, you haven’t fucked up, they have fucked up. They should not have relied on you. When you promise someone to do something and you don’t, yeah, then you fucked up, but if you don’t do that, then it’s 100% their fault.
You can’t shed all responsibilities or obligations, but most of them you can. In the end, it only depends on what your goals are. Do you want healthy, happy children? Then you’ll probably have to do something for that. If not though? Then you don’t. You can get by with a lot of “what if I just don’t?”
i had this freind, very good friend that i kinda dropped because he wasnt such a good friend after all:
he didnt believe in adhd, altough he pretty much had adhd. he drank alcohol, i took ritalin. he said i should drink instead, since i was funnier when i did. but i stopped.
to make a long story short: he said adhd is made up, ritalin is no good, what i described as mind changing is just a drug effect, and by the way, can you please stop being so goddamn unreliable?
he didnt get it till the end. adhd was like “hey squirrel” and i wasnt like that. but i was unreliable … it is just like, my charakter. no specific reason.
he would always complain about this third friend, who also has some issues - he and the third friend would work together, and the third friend would frequently have anger fits, like, illogical ones. like, losing his pen while working, and then having hour long anger issues with everybbody, while hey tried to reason with him.
I tried to explain to him that it ist about the pen at all, but about the social situation and the stress involved, and that he shouldnt always put our mutual friend in these situations when he 100% fears that our friend will have a melt down.
afterwards, he would bitch about it, like talk bad about our mutual friend.
He full on knew that our mutual friend couldnt handle a stressfull work enviroment, and put him into it regardless.
well, 3 months ago i called it quits and put a stop to all of that. walked away frome a wohle friend group.
Sometimes this is what it requires. There are good people out there, I hope you make contact with more of those instead :)
