I say we bring back dueling and let those 2 hash it out colonial style.

She could line up to lick his Cheeto dust covered scrotum boots, end up with the VP nod and have a better shot at being president.

Where are these dumbasses located? I got a 500 pack of zip ties and a mortgage to pay off.

I like to think of Jesus with like giant eagles wings and singing lead vocals for lynyrd skynyrd with like an Angel Band, and I’m in the front row, and I’m hammered drunk.

Don’t have sex with turtles, you’ll get salmonella.

First one is pretty decent from what I remember. Didn’t even know it got a sequel.

Don’t forget cigarettes.

I’m shocked, simply shocked. Ok not that shocked.

I’m tragically white so I’ve never sunbathed, but I very rarely need sunscreen on my legs at all.

Can turtles even be drowned?