I am low on money these days and my life is hell for it. I have to do with substandard everything in my life I recently had an incident where an elderly woman asked me for money while roaming the street with her family begging for money. I had no money to spare, but had I had any, I wouldn’t have given a penny to her (Life is tough, I can’t give away money I didn’t earn)
But, she later said something which melted my heart, “Majboori hai beta!” (Hindi) “We don’t want to do this, but we have to do it son” (now add some emotional value to it), I didn’t know what to do, I was on my cycle and I could feel their eyes on me as I passed them and I just peddled faster with teary eyes.
I didn’t know how to deal with that. i.e., I don’t have enough money for medical necessities or to improve the standard of living of my own life, but I was being asked to spare change by a poor family that was demonstrably in a worse spot than me.
I was always taught that if you give beggars money, they will spend it all on alcohol (not blaming them), and given the number of beggars who have come to be smelling like alcohol and death with wobbly balance, it has been a rule not to provide them with money. Also, let’s not forget, if you’re really poor (homeless and have nothing to lose) and you are really desperate, you are often dangerous i.e., not someone around whom your kids can roam, again, not blaming them. But… I don’t know what is right or wrong in this situation!
How do you deal with external problems you can’t solve around you? What is the moral thing to do here?
edit: This kinda reminds of a story about Jesus where a prince once came to him and told him that he isn’t at peace with himself no matter what he does, and Jesus told him that to get peace he must give away everything to the poor and follow Jesus around and the prince refused (something along those lines).
I know what the most moral thing might be in this case, but even if you tell me that I should give money to those who live in abject poverty, I probably won’t do it as often as I should.
As you should? You can’t think like that. In a religious sense, sure. If you have two coats you stole one from the poor, to paraphrase Dorothea Parker.
But in real life, it’s more like the airplane advice, put on your air mask first then help others with theirs. In an absolute sense you will be able to give more if you take care of yourself. If you only have $2 and give someone $1 of it you are an angel, but if you can make more and feel comfortable giving $10 that is more helpful to someone.
You didn’t create this problem, you just live in it, and you can’t single handedly fix it. Take care of yourself and give as you can, and speak out when you can.
There’s ways to help without sacrificing what little you have to yourself. A simple greeting and acknowledgement go a long way. Don’t be afraid to interact and to just say no, I’ve never had a bad experience with that.
You could provide information, or something that’s often needed. For example get a large pack of white long diabetic socks and hand those out. If you’re homeless you often can’t take off your shoes, so you’re always wearing them. The socks change color if something is wrong.
Personally I don’t mind it if someone spends money on drugs or alcohol. I’d do the same thing in their position. It’s best to just be kind and respectful.
But if it really bothers you then go for gift cards or just go shopping with them. Giving food without asking is generally not so helpful. Also keep in mind that in a lot of places people need a bit of actual cash to actually be able to sleep somewhere. For example here in the NL it’s 7.50 a night. So even if you are bothered by the potential drug usage, just think of the chance that they might just as well spend it on sleeping in a safe and warm place.
I get the impression that many drug dealers would be happy to take gift cards as payment.
Improve your local community in other ways. Or give in other ways. Not sure what would apply in your local community - I live in rural Western Europe and that’s very different from what you describe. People here set up donation boxes, swap shops, create food banks, organize markets, create safe spaces for minority groups, community gardens … mostly volunteering time. Not sure you are in the position to do this? Sorry things are so heartbreaking. I hope we all figure this out soon.
People here set up donation boxes, swap shops, create food banks, organize markets, create safe spaces for minority groups, community gardens … mostly volunteering time
In India, we chain the jugs we use in toilets of rails and I have seen banks tie their pens to walls, so, we can’t have nice things when we’re so goddamn poor and have 0 civic sense or a bad culture :(
But it sounds pretty nice! I have heard of Swiss honest boxes where people self-checkout and pay for the items they are taking away from the shelves, there are no cameras, there is no one keeping watch, but the whole system depends on trust! When I told my rich well-to-do Indian friend about this and how it would never work over here, she said “yeah, I would just take away stuff and not pay for it” (kinda made my blood boil, this is why we can’t have nice things lol)
PS: Thank you very much for your well-wishes! Means a lot! :)
and I have seen banks tie their pens to wall
That used to be a thing in Australia decades ago, then they changed and used it as a marketing tool encouraging people to take the pens, then the closed the banks branches.
I have no answers, that you’re thinking about it puts you in front of 80% of the world.
Years ago, I used to live in a neigborhood just down from what they called ‘the projects.’ Those who couldn’t get into Section 8 housing would spill over onto the streets. One time we had a pretty harsh cold snap. Several people died. A few of us started buying tents, sleeping bags, and blankets from Costco and handing them out to those camping on the sidewalks or side streets.
Now, we live in an area that has pretty good food and housing non-profits, so we donate to them every year. I generally don’t give to individuals, hoping our donations, aggregated with others, will reach more people in need.
During COVID, a local non-profit with an urban garden set up an outdoor fridge and pantry for those sleeping around the perimeter. The non-profit would load it up with any excess produce. But word got out and people started donating, usually leftovers from restaurants. We started going to discount grocery stores and buying bulk foods and stocking up the fridge once a month. Took the kids and had them do the stocking up, just to normalize it.
We’re beyond lucky not to be in that situation and feel strongly that we should help where we can. Paying it forward and all. I don’t think anyone who is pinched should feel bad, but those who can afford it, should.
We’ve never mentioned any of this to any friends or family. I only bring it up here, hoping more people feel inspired to step up.
I generally don’t give to individuals, hoping our donations, aggregated with others, will reach more people in need.
I think that’s a good rule, but it’s not for everyone, i.e., People actually would like to see their money do good, (it’s easier to see a thankful smile on someone than get a digital message on a website) and let’s not forget, people would have to do their own research before donating, because let’s be honest, there so many scammy non-profits made to make money for their corporate overlords (not to mention the conversion rate), if a non-profit is separately pooling money for administration expenses, I would be more likely to trust them. Also, rest of the comment is pretty nice, thanks for the comment!
