Checked into a partial hospitalization program last week because my social anxiety and agoraphobia got too big to manage alone.
The past few days have been perhaps the first I’ve felt joy and love in their full forms 😸
that’s HUGE news! Any particular highlights or self-discoveries that you’re excited to share?
It’s just good to know true joy and exist in my body more often. It was really heavy for so long. I made small talk at a lab appointment prior to and at a haircut following group today.
The hair stylist ended up being a specialist in sensory issues so it was very nice to have that kind of chill, mindful haircut. I nearly fell asleep!
Oh! And I’m doing all this while dog tired from insomnia but I’m in a pretty good mood and getting more sleep every night 😸
I’ve been in a lot of anxiety because of politics and what’s going to happen and now after today I’m just scared. I guess I’ll have to figure out how to live once this is over. Do I just hope to continue as before with things just being worse off or are things going to change a lot?
I’ve been just trying to rationalize that most of this is outside my control and have to accept the world for what it’s becoming. I’ve already given up, I don’t want dreams I just want peace.
Finishing up an Alaskan cruise. This is the complete opposite of how I usually travel and likely something I will never do again. That said, it has overall been an incredible time with some wonderful companions.
Tomorrow, we will pick up my friend’s ashes at a post office in Anchorage, and the next day we will head to Kenai Fjords National Park. He made it to 49 states, so we’re bringing him to the 50th.
How did it go? We did something like that with my grandmother’s ashes. It was good in a bittersweet way. I hope it worked out well for you, too!
Hey, it went really well, thanks for asking. Found a nice spot a little off the trail to sit a bit and take our time with it. I feel like no one talks about how much ashes stick to things. I’m pretty sure I still have some bits of Corbin on my backpack, but I’m good with that. 😂
That is such an Alaskan setting with all that glacial till and silt clouding the waters grey and thick, and making rocky ‘sandbars’. Beautiful and raw.
A few weeks ago I posted here that I was about to go to Open Sauce. I was too tired to give an update right when I got back, but I’m here now and boy, it was incredible. Best convention ever. There was a Smash Bros tournament right as you walked in the door. There was a tesla coil music setup with a Faraday cage that they picked audience members to get up and dance in. There was a booth selling 3D printed Spiderman style magnetic grappling hooks. There was a hexacopter with a 6-foot wingspan. There was a booth demonstrating a piece of open source software designed for flowgraph/node-based procedural generation of vector graphics and written in Rust, thus hitting every single one of my interests simultaneously. There were multiple people walking around in fursuits. There was a celebrity go-kart race where the audience got infrared laser-tag blasters which would make the cars slow down, which I promptly cloned using my Flipper Zero and proceeded to wreak havoc as best I could.
I do not think there was a single allistic person in that building. It was glorious.
I had the time of my life just letting my ADHD carry me from booth to booth of hobbyists showing off cool shit they had made and asking about this and that and how they put it together. It was WAY bigger than Open Sauce 2023 and easily 10 times cooler.
Anyway, I mention that because I met one of my favorite YouTube creators (Zack Freedman of Voidstar Lab) face to face while I was there and he gave me this 3D printed poker chip with his channel logo and a QR code that my phone refuses to scan but that I’m told goes to the Rickroll. He uploaded a video today explaining how he made them, pointing out several subtle design flaws that I never would’ve noticed but that are going to bug me forever now, and mentioned that in every single chip there was an NFC tag. I got the chip from its pride of place on my desk, held it to the back of my phone, and sure enough, was taken (via a Bitly link) to an unlisted video on the Voidstar Lab channel – uploaded earlier that day! Open Sauce was weeks ago. Now I’m also bugged by not knowing what would’ve happened if I’d thought to put the tag in the same pocket as my phone while we were there.
If you meant what’s been happening to me this week, well, not much to report. I’m still off school, had some fun going swimming, got a little self-conscious when I saw 8-year-olds with better upper body definition than me. Finally got back into gaming now that I can do that without feeling guilty about blowing off my homework. I’ve been playing this really great indie metroidvania called Ghost 1.0 which I could gush about for ages (great gameplay, great humor, really neat game mechanic where you can leave your body and possess enemies which they make fantastic use of in puzzles)… but I mostly just wanted to talk about Open Sauce and tag the people who asked me to report back: @rozwud@beehaw.org @megaman_EXE@beehaw.org
all in all things have been going pretty great!
