Kind of a follow up from my question from a few days ago, for me just depresses me and usually I’m working or worried about stuff anyways so I don’t know how to enjoy festivities, plus being eternally alone without a partner makes things even sadder. Xmas is more of a post it of how much my life has failed.
Stress.
Stress about all the money spent on a midnight feast that we’re too sleepy and tired to enjoy (our Christmas meal here is at 12mn, it cannot start earlier), the gifts and decorations, and the electricity of all the RGB lights strung around to make our family to be “with the community spirit”. Stress about not having the energy to be able to smile and be cheerful all the time, or else you’d be the subject of dinner conversations, how you’re not “making an effort to spread the holiday spirit”. And worst of all, the stress of not being able to sleep and rest due to all the merrymaking, singing, and overall noisemaking (fireworks tend to be fired at random here, and increasing in frequency as it draws closer to the end of December).
I used to look forward to the food, the seasonal food, and the feasting. But now that I’ve got to prepare all that food, taste it, make adjustments based on who is going to be coming for the Christmas dinner, it’s just draining.
What is supposed to be a season to be merry, to be hopeful, and all that good cheer, has become the very cause of all the sorry hopelessness and drear.
I’m sorry that sounds so overwhelming. Is there anyone you press into your service to help out? Also potluck is great for these things because then no one has to cook more than one thing.
My partner’s parents just straight up said they’re not hosting anymore because it’s too much work. It’s allowed.
There’s my youngest brother, but he’s already with his family, and is the one in charge of cooking over there. I’m with my mom, who is really needing the help, and so yeah! I also told my mom to just stop hosting because it’s increasingly not worth it, but she’s stubborn and told me it’s always been this way, and will be that way until she draws her final breath.
Now, if I can only convince the others (the ones coming over) to just bring some food so that there’s a lot less need to cook here.
Christmas is just commercialized Winter Solstice. Happy fucking holidays.
I won’t lie, usually Christmas is my favorite time of year. Something about the music, getting to see all my family, and trying to find inventive ways to make friends and family happy through gifts always cheers me up. Never really had the money to go all out, but the spirit was there.
This year I just do not care. Usually I listen to dozens of hours of Christmas music and this year it is less than 2 hours so far. I’m not looking forward to giving or receiving gifts; it just feels so formulaic and rabidly consumerist. My usual comfort movies hold no interest for me. I’d skip it if I could. And all of that was before my grandmother died this past Saturday.
It means that I will be harassed for not being happy enough and wrong for not wanting to participate.
It means seeing my grandma the one (maybe two) times a year that I see her. I probably don’t have too many more of them so I want to make them count. It’s also one of the few (getting fewer) times a year I see my parents who are also aging. I think it’s good for me to remember what’s important.
There may be something in your life that is important to you that you can try to hold on to at Christmas, like your health or your pets.
