182 points

The “agents” always swear the rules are the same everywhere even though I was just in the other airport a few hours ago and no they aren’t!

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97 points

“This is how it’s always done, sir… on the second Tuesdays of months with an even number of days and for the full duration of Toyotathon. Now don’t make me repeat myself: laptop under the bag and over the shoes or we cavity search you.”

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47 points

Oh gosh, that’s my bad. I forgot we were in Toyotathon; I thought Happy Honda Days had started already!

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27 points

They overlap every 7 years but only for 6 days

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50 points

Random Antiterrorism Measures

The Random Antiterrorism Measure (RAM) program uses random, multiple security measure that change the look of an installation’s force protection program and introduce uncertainty to defeat surveillance attempts and make it difficult for a terrorist to accurately predict security actions.

“A unit could conduct random antiterrorism measures by checking parking lots, conducting bag checks and ID cards in locations where that is not the normal security posture,” said Ann Moree, security manager, DPTMS.

This is basically what’s going on. The theory is that by making changes to the process it will be more difficult for someone to plan a way to defeat it (not really true, as several TSA pentests have shown).

There’s also this classic quote attributed to a German general during WWII:

War is Chaos, and the reason why the American Army excels at War is because they practice Chaos on a daily basis.

It may look like the front-line guys have no idea what’s going on, and that might actually be true. If they have no idea what’s going on, neither will anybody observing their activities.

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26 points

I had not considered that. It sounds like it’s actually a sound precaution, or would be if TSA weren’t so incredibly incompetent and the threat so exaggerated.

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8 points

Yeah I’m not sure how useful it is in practice - possibly not at all - but at least some of it is intentional and not completely the result of poor management.

I also wouldn’t be surprised if some of the apparent incompetence was intentional… but that’s just speculation.

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15 points

I think this kind of reasoning just desperately tries to find reason in insanity.

You’re basically implying that the coordinated uncertainty is so incredibly good at being covert, that it’s absolutely indistinguishable from underpaid incompetence and power tripping pettiness.

Maybe I’m not giving enough credit to government agencies, but actual incompetence and artisanal pettiness seem to be more likely to me than a planned behavior.

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2 points

I’ve always thought this was a fundamental floor in their logic. Since they don’t have bomb detectors at the entrances to the building, it’s all a bit irrelevant anyway since if I’m trying to take down a plane full of people I can blow them up just as easily in the airport as I can in the air.

They all collect together at the TSA line anyway.

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3 points

Maybe it is as you say the government incompetence and the artisanal pettiness that are the planned behavior, knowing it leads to this randomization.

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9 points

That would matter if ‘screwing up’ had any bearing on the outcome, which isn’t the case because the TSA is just security theater. If they mix up the order and the result is just making you do whatever the thing is, then it is just wasted time with the same end result and security is NOT improved.

This is just incompetence and shitty training.

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4 points

Yeah, well, that’s just like, your opinion man.

In all seriousness though, I’m not saying that RAM is effective in any measurable way. I’m saying that it’s part of the SOP and helps explain some of what people experience as apparently inconsistent behavior from the TSA.

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7 points

It makes sense in theory to deter someone planning something sketchy. But if that’s the purpose, they should try to make it known to everyone.

Basically, the agents should be telling everyone - “yes, the procedure can change every time”, so the potential villain scouting out the procedures would think “oh man, I thought I got it figured out, but what if tomorrow they change the rules?”

If they instead keep insisting “you should know this, it’s the same every time”, the potential villain is more likely to feel confident in their preparation and go ahead.

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1 point

The other problem is TSA agents seem to massively overestimate how often people use air travel and how uncommon it is for like 95% if the population.

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24 points

If the rules are the same everywhere, they would do what every other competent place that has procedures that need to be followed does, and post them at the front. The fact that a TSA bitch has to stand there and tell you what to do means they’ve already failed.

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22 points

Yes, they are. The rule is: No matter what you do, you’ll be called a dumb bitch.

This rule is universal and the whole point of the TSA.

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11 points

They seem to relax the rules when it’s really busy… Like wait… Isn’t that when an attack would be the most dangerous meaning security would be even more important rather than less?

Goes to show how pointless most of it is.

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7 points

We have always been at war with Oceana

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1 point
*
Deleted by creator
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93 points

I have pre-check, which means I get to keep belt, shoes, and jacket on. Except one random time when this butthead TSA agent insisted I remove my jacket. I fought him on it, but he was an arrogant guy. Read your own rules dumb, dumb.

Also, they obsess over my bottle of contact solution regularly — wipe it down for bomb residue and everything, even though it is allowed. But, somehow I’ve accidentally slipped through with pocket knives and zippo lighters that were at the bottom of my bag. But, don’t you dare forget to empty your water bottle.

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4 points

I just don’t bother taking out small bottles of liquid for the last quite a few years and no one has cared or even noticed

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2 points

I had a bag of jelly babies in my carry-on at one point, probably left over from the last time I used the bag. So way out of date, and they got super upset about that. But missed the nail clippers that normally they object to.

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1 point

Same, fuck that 3-3-1 bullshit.

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42 points

I use the same laptop bag for several trips a year, so I often don’t clear out all the pockets. The other day I realized I’ve been flying back and forth with a lighter I got from Vegas 2 years ago because it was buried at the bottom of a pocket. As for why the hell I had it in my laptop bag in the first place, I have no idea.

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5 points

If that was your carry-on, it probably didn’t get flagged because lighters are allowed.

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20 points

Because it’s all nothing but a circus.

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13 points

a YouTuber I watch once had a spent bullet casing at the bottom of his bag for YEARS and tsa found it after he went on like 10 flights with it

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5 points

Lighters are allowed

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4 points

Zippos only if they’re empty. Who had empty zippos without lighter fluid?

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3 points

The phrasing on the TSA website suggests that lighters with fluid are permitted in your carry on, just not your checked. This is also in line with the policy in Canada.

Whether the particular TSA agent you’re stuck dealing with actually knows their guidelines, well… don’t hold your breath, they also get pissy about frozen water bottles (which also are allowed).

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69 points

Last time I flew I started taking my electronics out of my carry-on (which was filled with a ridiculous amount of electronics) and a TSA agent told me to stop. I showed her inside the bag and said “you’re not gonna be able to see everything unless I take it out” and she just rolled her eyes and repeated herself. Then they had to take my bag and individually swipe everything for bomb residue because they weren’t able to see everything with the scanner…

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34 points

Well, I hope you’ve learned your lesson

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23 points

The lesson that the TSA will just say things and ignore reason?

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1 point
*

The lesson is that you know it’s a sham, the TSA knows it’s a sham, but you’re intent in following through

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15 points

You sound like you didn’t learn the lesson. Tut.

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56 points

I don’t understand why they don’t have a sign at the entrance to security to tell you what to expect. Or, when it changes by which line you go to, why they don’t have a sign indicating the differences between lines.

Instead, they wait for someone to make a mistake, then yell out their mistake like “ALL ELECTRONICS MUST COME OUT OF YOUR BAG” at the same time as someone the next line over is yelling “ELECTRONICS DO NOT NEED TO COME OUT OF YIUR BAGS”.

TSA is infuriatingky inconsistent and incomprehensible, even for someone who travels frequently.

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17 points

This is due to the scanners.

Newer scanners don’t need electronics out, older ones do.

Unfortunately, they don’t replace them ALL at an airport at the same time, leading to inconsistency…

My current major airport I fly through doesn’t open pre check until 9am, which is a pain, cause I have to print a paper ticket to get my precheck privileges in the normal lines

Which causes chaos cause I don’t have to do things others do

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4 points

Wow that makes so much sense.

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2 points

Yes the croissants! I’m always happy when I see those.

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9 points

TSA is just a pork barrel jobs program. Nothing more.

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7 points

If only those jobs could be doing something useful for society…

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5 points

Literally anything else would be more productive and probably less annoying too.

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8 points

Sometimes they do have signs, but then they don’t do what the sign says.

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52 points

every time I go through TSA it says “anomaly detected” at my waist and I need to be patted down. I’m trans so… correct I guess.

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4 points

straight out of papers please

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2 points

Hi! I used to get to second base with the TSA every time. Apparently the machine has issues with loose fit clothes or even long hair if it’s down. Since taking this to heart no one has asked to swipe my ass for bombs.

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26 points

“Right. Just hold still. I need to check your genitalia for something.”

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2 points

LMAO 😭

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18 points

Ah yes, the penis detector.

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14 points

For this reason, and for sexual assault survivors, and for our dignity, naked photography and pat downs should not exist.

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2 points

Hahaha yeah - it’s great that every time I fly, there’s a 1 in 3 chance that I’m outed to some sour faced stranger who will get to grope me.

I will take Amtrak for three times the travel time to avoid TSA.

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9 points

You can opt out of the RapeScan. It doesn’t get you out of the pat down, but it’s something.

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18 points

It also wins you direct scorn by the TSAa and an attempt at public shaming “We got an opt out. OPT OUT I NEED A MANAGER! You, stand over there and wait”.

At they very least you’re guaranteed no cellphone screencaps, fresh gloves and less radiation exposure whilst you’re stood at the machine and in the line waiting. Airports are still abysmal on privacy otherwise.

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10 points

Last time I flew I wore jeans that fit super well on the way out and kinda loose jeans that I needed a belt to keep up on the return. The loose jeans set off an anomaly in the groin area and both me and the TSA agent shared a collective “I don’t want to be doing this right now but this is what we have to do”

Anyways my point is, I think it comes down to the fit of your clothing, if it’s more form fitting it’s less likely to be detected as an anomaly. But also the machine is sensitive enough to detect when I’ve forgotten a receipt in my back pocket and will yell about a tiny scrap of thermal paper so I suppose it would detect any anomalies in one’s body

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1 point

I’ve got a constant runny nose and always have used but still useful (I’m a gremlin, don’t at me) kleenexes in my pockets. They let you keep those on your person, lol.

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1 point

Yeah they don’t force you to toss it if you have a scrap of trash in your pocket that you forgot about but they do make a stink about you having it because how dare you

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6 points

Yeah, the TSA always gives me special attention just because I have cargo shorts on and they told me that almost always triggers anomalies.

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Microblog Memes

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