101 points

Appropriate time for: “If you see a shoplifter, no you didn’t.”

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14 points

What if the shoplifter has a really nice butt?

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37 points

Then you saw a person with a really nice butt. Who wasn’t doing anything.

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2 points

But like, my silence buys me a solid glance, right?

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1 point

Butt out.

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1 point

Then they stole my heart

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2 points

I would never tell, but I wonder if people, employees, take the charge instead of the big corpo.

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5 points

No, it’s just budgeted into the prices.

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-7 points

Appropriate time for: shoplifting will fuck hundreds of innocent workers out of a job before it kills one corporation.

Think about who you’re really hurting. If a Walmart location stops being profitable enough, it’ll just close, no sweat off their back. But everyone working there is now out of a job.

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3 points

How would it fuck them out of a job?

Besides, shoplifting is nowhere near the scale that it would make an entire store unprofitable. And if it was, they’d either raise prices to make it profitable or perhaps lower them to encourage people to buy again instead of stealing out of desperation. They wouldn’t just up and quit a location where there’s still money to be made.

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-1 points

How would it fuck them out of a job?

…the place that employed them ceases to exist?

Besides, shoplifting is nowhere near the scale that it would make an entire store unprofitable.

Doesn’t matter. However small or large the negative impact is, it goes down the ladder, not up. The rank and file suffer first and most, always.

Rationalizing theft because you want to feel like you’re Robin Hood is just that, a rationalization. It’s not the reality.

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76 points

Friendly reminder that if you saw someone stealing food, no you didn’t.

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23 points

Best case they’re going to eat it.

Worst case you can buy warm coat meat off them later in a flat roof pub so they can buy heroin.

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6 points

People need heroin too.

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69 points

Plus you never notice people shoplifting. We dont know people’s situation but we dam well know corperations can fuck off.

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17 points
*

The last few times I shoplifted it was by accident. The last being that I had to get a new ID from the DMV, they gave me a paper copy, and said they would mail me a normal ID. 30 days later it has still not arrived and grocery stores started to say they don’t accept the paper copy after 30 days. Went back to the DMV and they said it would take up to 90 days. I asked if I could get a picture ID until it arrives, to which they told me that would downgrade my license and therefore I wouldn’t be able to legally drive then.

Anyways, I wound up checking out at Kroger, putting items on the conveyor, and they asked for my ID, I gave them my paper copy and they called a manager and blah blah blah all because there was wine in the order. The manager told the cashier it was acceptable so long as it was within 30 days, thankfully neither of them knew the date as it was 34 days after the issue date, they accepted it and I put the bags in my cart and went on my way. When I got to the car I realized several items in my cart were not in grocery bags, I never took them out of the cart when I got distracted by the ID bologna. So none of those items got paid for.

My favorite part about it is someone has to acknowledge that someone was of age 4 days prior to purchase alcohol… So what black magic would I be performing to go from 35 4 days ago to under 21 then. If it could have been forged now, I could have forged it then.

Note the DMV stated if they printed a new copy it would change the issue dates and therefore start the 90 day wait over again. Fucking mess

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3 points

Is this the California DMV? They are so ridiculously worthless. The DMV sloths in Zootopia were spot on, except they didn’t depict the intentional malice.

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2 points

Nah, this one is Tennessee

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66 points

The only shoplifting I see is the shops that keep arbitrarily lifting their prices.

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18 points
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The only shoplifting I see is the shops lifting their prices.

more laconic, more punny

EDIT :

The only shoplifting I see is the shops lifting their prices arbitrarily

variant keeping arbitrarily

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51 points

The BBC editorial team showing a woman stealing a bottle of wine, rather than, like, food or something

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