I don’t want to be some white collar stiff. I don’t want to work in a place with ties. I don’t want to be a tie guy. I don’t wear them to weddings, because that’s not me.
Nothing against tie people. It’s just not me.
Story time!
Years ago I had a client who owned a big car dealership. Really good guy and a straight shooter. His son, who is roughly my age, was the GM.
Anyway, I was wearing a suit and tie because I was on my way to a funeral but I had to stop by the dealership on the way. Stopped by the GM’s office to say “hi” really quick. He looks at me and get this concerned expression on his face before saying, “You didn’t let dad see you like that did you?”
I told him I hadn’t seen his dad and asked why?
He says, “You need to ditch the tie ASAP. He’s not going to like that at all. One time, a couple reps from [auto manufacturer] came by all suited up. They sat down in Dad’s office and without saying a word, he grabbed some scissors and lopped both of their neck ties off. He hates ties. Says it makes you look like you think you’re better than your customers.”
Knowing his dad, I honestly believed the story. But, if I had any doubts they were eliminated some time later. I was leaving the dealership one day when two reps from [auto manufacturer] pulled into the parking lot, got out of the car, took off their jackets and ties and left them in the car before going in.
Relish typically denotes a feeling of enjoyment, which is confusing in the context of the rest of your post. Did you mean “resent?”
That said, I’ve worn a brightly colored tie with a rib knit tank top, women’s blazer, black cargo shorts, knee high socks, oxford heels, and tentacle earrings, but mostly just to punk concerts.
No. I relish the fact that I don’t know how. I don’t want to know how to tie a tie and I’m happy about it.
I read it as “it makes me happy that I wear a tie so infrequently that I have to look up how to do it every time I do.”
When I was fresh out of college (about 20 years ago for context) I was shadowing an executive for a meeting with a bunch of people. I asked him if I should wear a suit and tie. He said you can’t go wrong in a suit and tie, but whatever you wear tells everyone in the room what you want them to think of you.
Some people dress comfortably because they don’t want to impress anyone. Others dress comfortably because they want you to think they don’t care if you’re impressed. And then there are people who dress comfortably because they don’t need to impress anyone.
I asked him what the difference was, and he said it’s the cost of the tie they aren’t wearing. I always thought that was clever while also completely useless.
Then in the meeting he made a bigoted joke and killed the entire deal. So, I don’t quote his advice often, but I thought it was relevant here.
Others dress comfortably because they want you to think they don’t care if you’re impressed.
That’s me!
And then there are people who dress comfortably because they don’t need to impress anyone.
I’m working hard toward becoming this person.
I asked him what the difference was, and he said it’s the cost of the tie they aren’t wearing.
This tracks, and correctly places me in the middle category. I bought my particularly nice ties during a particularly nice sale. (The ones I gave away because I don’t wear ties anymore.)
Then in the meeting he made a bigoted joke and killed the entire deal.
That’s an aspect of why I don’t wear ties anymore. I don’t feel like I’m great at signaling and being an ally, but at least I’m not dressed like an asshat.
I tried to get into ties. I bought myself a few nice ones, and coordinated them with my outfits. It was, briefly, glorious.
Then the idiots in charge started to treat me like I was one of them. They started to hold my opinions on the same level as their own.
I never said, “No, Bob, we don’t both have valuable inputs in this nuanced technical topic. I have decades of deeply technical experience and you have a fine arts degree and took four seminars on interpersonal skills.”
But I did stop wearing ties.
I’m a fan of fine arts degrees and those interpersonal seminars, but neither one (alone) will keep a fragile web service running safely.
Now I show up to those meetings noticeably underdressed, and everyone in the room assumes “oh shit, this person must know their shit, it certainly wasn’t their fashion that got them into this room”.
It irritates me that it works.
I started in the tech world in a suit and tie as a dev for a blue chip.
As I’ve (begrudgingly) progressed up the shitty ladder, my smart casual has become more casual.
I can’t remember the last time I wore a tie to work.
Not even to an interview.
Maybe there’s some truth in this.
My grandmother tied my tie for me in 2008, she died in 2014 and it’s still tied. I just slip it over my head on the rare occasion I need to wear one
