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My week has been great! A girl I’ve recently started seeing asked me to be her girlfriend, which made me wildly happy. I’ve never been somebody’s girlfriend before ☺️ We tripped on mushrooms and cuddled the night away, and things have been going really well so far since then!
We tripped on mushrooms and cuddled the night away
This is so wholesome – especially the shrooms part.
Don’t like my beard hair. As I boymode 24/7.
I finally started to come to terms with being trans, and this week has basically been non-stop coming out to people, which has been kinda rough to say the least… My wife and I were married for 4 years and planning on kids, but she saw some clear signs and really made me introspect and finally come to this realization. She’s struggling hard and doesn’t know what to do, as she feels like she has to mourn the man she married and “doesn’t want a wife”.
She moved out on Monday, and we had separate Thanksgivings with friends and had to explain to friends and family what was going on. I have a phenomenal support network of friends who’ve been helping me through this, but my family is distraught beyond belief at what the future holds and feel absolutely blindsided by all of this. Which, to be fair, I’ve done a phenomenal job at hiding it, even from myself.
Even despite all this, I feel like I’ve never been happier, which almost makes it feel even worse at times knowing so I’ve hurt some of the people I love the most so much. It also just causes so much of that doubt to come rushing back in, that I’m “faking it”, and that things can “go back to normal”. I know it’s just a coping mechanism, and that rationally I have literally written pages of peer-reviewed journals with pretty clear “Here’s why you’re trans, dummy”, but goddamn if it doesn’t make the whole thing that much harder when those pangs of doubt come creeping back in and making it feel like I’m throwing my life away for nothing.
TL;DR it’s aight
It’s a wild ride. One moment I am in the shower, actually kinda happy with the progress 3 months of hrt have done so far and the next I am having a panix attack not knowing weather all of this is right for me or all in my head. This can happen like 5 to 6 times a day and it sucks. Overall tho I am living in a safe for now country and have a really solid relationship so whatever happens, I am at least not alone.
it’s exhausting, but in my experience it lessens in intensity and frequency over time as you get used to it; it helps to really connect with facts that can ground your decision: you felt happy with the changes, you probably want more changes - that’s all that matters, focusing on those positive feelings can sometimes help
