followed with ‘I wasn’t aware is so important to you. I didn’t want to insult you and if you felt so, I apologize. The word fuck is one I use very often, but I’ll try to control myself around you’
Note I didn’t insult the coworker (no fuck you or fuck off), but simply said ‘fuck’ out loud due to a job error.
A quality apology consists of 3 things:
- An explanation of what you did that was wrong, and why it was wrong
- An explanation of what you’re going to try and change about yourself, to avoid the same mistake
- An expression of remose. I.E. the word “sorry” or “apologize”.
Your proposed apology has all those elements, so you’re already ahead of most folks. But there are a few suggestions for improvement in this thread that I think are also good.
“if you felt so, I apologize”: I don’t read this as you apologizing for how the other person feels, since you clarified that earlier. But I think it’s fair that others might read it that way, so you’re better off eliminating the ambiguity. You’re apologizing for what you did, without considering that others might (validly) consider it inappropriate.
“I’ll try to control myself around you”: similar deal, it should be clear that this is about you, not them. And when it comes to swearing in a workplace, it’s pretty-darn common to consider it inappropriate and unprofessional, no matter who you’re around. Maybe part of your apology needs to focus on how the behavior is unprofessional, and you simply needed help recognizing that, as you’re (possibly?) new to the professional working world.
Ugh, so one thing that’s annoying about apologies is that if you use the word “if” people usually think it’s a bad apology regardless of everything else you say. Try to say things like “I’m sorry that it upset you” instead of “I’m sorry if I’ve upset you.”
“I’ll try not to swear around you. I’m sorry. I will probably not be perfect, but I assure you I’m trying.”
That’s enough.
I assume you are genuinely sorry and have decided you want to behave differently around them.
Why would you need to apologize at all? You swore. It’s not a big fucking deal.
Right? How about this: I’ll keep the swearing to a minimum if you remove all the religious bobbles from your desk and stop talking about God. You don’t have a monopoly on being offended, and respect goes both ways.
No, but the swearing is immaterial. That apology isn’t, so let’s break down the likely interpretation a bit.
I didn’t want to insult you and if you felt so, I apologize.
This is probably the most egregious part, since ‘I’m sorry you felt offended’ isn’t actually an apology, it just sounds like one. You’re not actually apologising for anything you did.
No matter what it is you might have wanted or intended, the fact of the matter is that you did offend your coworker with your swearing.
The word fuck is one I use very often, but I’ll try to control myself around you’
This part is fine-ish? I’d leave off the “around you”, since it’s extraneous. They don’t need to know that you’re deliberately taking exception around them.
I apologize. The word fuck is one I’m used to using, but I’ll try to avoid using it.
Seems a better way of putting it. You made the error, you apologised, clean and cut. No need for unnecessary explanation that could be taken as excuse, or unnecessary exceptions that may taint your intended message.
Maybe accompany it with an apology muffin or something.
