I want to be played by a dog
My life isn’t very interesting, but it’d really spice things up if they had a dog try to do it.
You spent the first few years of your life, catching tail and sniffing butt, winning through life on loveable personality alone, and becoming a loyal and devoted partner, spending your sunset years curled up on a nice seat, watching the kids do their thing and getting occasional head pats from strangers for a life well lived and job well done.
Aubrey Plaza. She’s way hotter than me (that’s kinda the point), and not half Japanese (will make the racist parts confusing and/or hilarious) but she could definitely pull off my resting bitch face and general disdain for everything.
Ed Sheeran. Specifically because he’s not an actor and would stumble through the movie just like I stumbled through life. All ginger, no plan.
Danny Devito.
…I’m a woman.
I’m pretty tall, so the logical choice would be Tom Cruise on 12 inch heels.
