someone to call my own
Odd choice of words, is this a common way to refer to a significant other?
Itās not uncommon. My significant other has the same vague possessive connotations.
Thereās such a reference in a well-known song, Mr. Sandman
Sandman, Iām so alone
Donāt have nobody to call my own
Please turn on your magic beam
Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream
Everything is possessive. My wife, my husband, my girlfriend, my boyfriend, my significant other, etc. āSomeone to call my ownā isnāt really strange; itās not super common, but definitely not that uncommon, either.
itās not super common
Iām 40 years old. This was pretty common to hear when I was a kid. But as the younger generations grow up, the language changes, along with the public mindset. Possessive phrases like this used to be considered romantic because it meant you were desired by someone. In todayās culture, itās creepy because it sounds more like someone sees you as a thing to own.
Itās actually been a long time since I heard someone use this particular phrase.
Iāve always understood it as going both ways. Someone you call your own, they also get to have you as their own. Iām all yours, and youāre all mine. Iāve viewed it as a way of expressing desire and commitment.
Very common.
A lot of people, Iād even hazard to say the majority, want mutual possession to some degree. Not necessarily ownership, as in all freedom removed, but the idea that each person is devoted to the other, to the exclusion of any outsiders in some cases, but at least as a primary priority except for children being higher.
Thereās been a ton of debate over the years, tons of money thrown at research into human bonding and relationships, trying to figure out exactly what ānormalā or ānaturalā is for us. But, even among people that arenāt monogamous, thereās some that use, and find comfort in, the idea of belonging to each other, itās just that the non monogamous folks tend to have a broader range of what that means.
Itās similar to (or maybe the same as) belonging somewhere. You belong at home, itās the place where you are supposed to be, itās the default state. It might not be home for everyone, obviously, but the sense of having something that is akin to that feeling of coming home, of belonging, thatās a powerful thing.
As an example of non romantic belonging, to illustrate what I mean, I used to bounce at a drag club. For a lot of the gay kids that came there, that club was the one place they could really, truly be themselves. I literally canāt count how many times someone said that it was the closest theyād ever had to a real home, a real family, and many of them said the only place they ever felt like they belonged.
I know, for myself, no matter how much pain Iām in, what ugliness is trying to drag me down in my head, the certainty that my wife loves me, and is there for me, it keeps my head above water. Iām herās, sheās mine, in every way that matters. We belong to each other. Thatās despite the fact that weāre both free to end the relationship if we so choose. Thereās no slavery in belonging to and with someone.
Shit, now Iām crying lol.
But maybe thatās as good an example as anything else. That feeling? That sense of comfort and surety, of knowing that thereās someone right there that is such a deep part of yourself that just thinking about the fact is enough to bring tears of joy, thatās what itās about.
This is fun, and Iām going to enjoy it without trying to correct it because that ruins the joke and I need to feel joy.
Kinda a dick move by the family actually.
Jeez, girl is crying and having a hard time, someone makes a joke to cheer her up. You call that a dick move?
I didnt think this needed to be said but making a joke at a bystanders expense, particularly a hurtful personal attack, is not ok.
Sure jokes are give and take with some good natured ribbing but this strays more into carless, or potentially malicious territory.
Nah, it is good natured ribbing 100%. People who are alone for 28 years in a row either are completely inept at human interaction or donāt want a partner / arenāt ready for one. The first case is incredibly rare, in the second case you probably are secure enough in it to laugh with them. And at the end of the day - it worked to get the cousing to start laughing and stop thinking about how hurt they are.
I donāt understand why everyone calls me a monster. I just kicked those puppies to cheer a crying girl up.
anons are far from puppies. anons should probably be kicked regularly on general principle.
Fuck the single cousin? I donāt see the problem
Sounds like a great family
Jokes aside, if you ever feel like killing yourself, donāt. Donāt let them win.
Yeah, I find straight up abandoning your shit family is a not completely bad idea.
Youād be surprised at the jobs out there that simply let you get on a train or a boat and simply leave it all behind if you want to.
Just please then donāt jump off the back of my boat. The point is that it might be lonelier than guaranteed family but ocean is a bad way to go.