65 points

Shia LaBeouf

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21 points

Quiet. Quiet…

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16 points

He gets down on all fours and breaks into a sprint, he’s gaining on you!

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4 points

Fighting for your life with Shia LaBeouf

Normal Tuesday night for Shia LaBeouf

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63 points

Plot twist: Dad knows about the monster in the woods and that’s why he wants to make sure anon gets home on time.

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19 points

Directed by: M. Night Shyamalan

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15 points

Dad is the monster.

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3 points
*

And OP is the blind girl.

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6 points

And the beatings are to strengthen him for when the time comes…?

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3 points

I get beaten twice a week.

Although my beaters call it jiu jitsu.

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44 points

being followed in the forest at night is a special kind of scary. even when you know it’s your imagination.

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4 points

On the other hand with an active imagination not being followed in the forest at night is another special kind of scary. You can imagine all kinds of ways you could trip over something and lie there unconscious or hurt and unable to move and nobody will find you for hours.

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3 points

Days.

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Oh no. I’m lost in the woods at night. I hope a spooky werewolf doesn’t come and get me.

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27 points

Instance doesn’t check out

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5 points

Oh no! Then you might become a cute werewolf! OwO

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3 points

Stupid sexy werewolf.

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29 points

My dad left like 10 years ago for milk and eggs. He came home in an urn. ☹️

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17 points

Milk and eggs for a fast shrinking diet. Noted.

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13 points

Not like I really cared to give any details, but aside from his prior existing health issues, he basically died from swallowing grits and eggs that were way too hot and he basically boiled his esophagus.

What’s worse is that he was old and stubborn and refused to go to the hospital for like 5 months, and he spent the last month of his life finally in the hospital, but way too late. ☹️💀

TL;Please Don’t Read - Make damn sure your food ain’t too hot.

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7 points

TL;DR Hot meals can cook you.

I wonder if he was following the logic that a recursive addition of heat can cleanse him from growing gut pains.

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5 points

how hot was that???

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Greentext

!greentext@sh.itjust.works

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you’re new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

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  • Anon frequently shares thoughts that are immature, offensive, or incomprehensible.

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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