Build a flight routine:
-
Screenshot your QR code to board. Crop it to just the code so your boarding zone is missing, and board in the middle of the second main group (Zone 2, Group 2, Etc. Not any of the special categories). No one will stop you.
-
Pick a seat in the back of the plane. You will deplane slower, but no one fucking cares unless you have a connection
-
Because of 1), you will board and head straight to the back, giving you time to sort your carry on and backpack/purse.
-
Stow the carry on immediately, drop your bag into your aisle seat. Remove your seating essentials once you size up your seat.
-
Bring a magnetic phone mount you can clip to the closed tray table (check amazon for one you like), plug in your charger brick, but not the cable, other passengers will kick it.
-
Open the overhead air vent nozzles to full, point them at your seat. If you sit, and it’s too much, point 1 or 2 of the others away. If you like all 3… Hope the other passengers never notice.
-
On a long haul you will probably be given a little pillow and blanket. Temporarily toss these in the overhead ontop of your bag. If need a neck pillow, get that out of your backpack. For lumbar support, if you think the provded pillow is enough, grab it after takeoff. You don’t want the blanket or pillow now.
-
Stow your water bottle (bring a refillable 24oz or 36oz tall steel bottle). This will hold the flap of your seat back pocket open a bit. Stow any snacks you want, and gadgets. Overload this pocket, items you consume will decrease over time, so anything goes here, stuff it.
-
Once you have everything out and stowed, your gadgets, headphones (I recommend over-ear noise canceling if you fly frequently) your phone mount your everything, then stow your backpack in the overhead. Again, no one will stop you. The flight attendants are helping load the plane and prep, and people do this anyways. On a long-haul it’s first come first serve, hence the seat selection toward the back.
-
Raise all the arms of the seats on your asile. This will let the other passengers get in faster. Raise the aisle armrest by pushing the button in the back of the arm by the hinge.
-
Wait, and fully extend your seat belt while you wait, so it’s super easy to grab and buckle later. Wipe down anything you like with a wet wipe, especially your headrest and armrest handles. Keep the armrests up though.
-
Once your seat mates have shown up, lower the two arm rests closest to you, and plug in your charger cable to the charger brick. Buckle up loosely.
-
After takeoff, use the rest room immediately, grab your blanket if you want to rest, and settle in. Late notice, but if you wear slip ons: slip them off now and relax in your seat. You can change socks after landing. Your feet will thank you. At this point, raise the headrest if you need to, and bend the sides, most headredts are now adjustable on the sides as well and can form a C shape to support your head. This is not as good as a neck pillow bit helps tons when combined with one.
-
During flight, press the hinge button on your asile armrest again whenever you need to get up, to make getting out easy. If anyone needs out, grab your phone, and unplug your cable from the charger brick, and sidestep into the aisle, take two steps forward or back, away from the nearest restroom, and then reseat but don’t lower the armrest until they return. DO buckle again. (Freak turbulence on long hauls is no joke sometimes).
Bonus 1) Lookup and purchase a plastic shim for AC adapter prongs online. Maybe 5 bucks, infinitely reusable. US airplane plugs tend to be very very loose due to extreme overuse. This will keep you from chasing your charging brick around the floorboards.
Bonus 2) For headphones, Bose Quiet Comfort or Sony WH1000XM3 or XM4s. The XM3 and XM4s IMO are superior noise cancelling to the Bose (subjective), and both fold up and are more compact than the later Sony XM5 series. You can find either of these “renewed” on Amazon sometimes for a huge discount. Buy them and never look back.
This works on 99% of flights. You get to stretch out as much as your seating allows, should have all your stuff accessible, and be comfortable to rest if you can. Personally I am too tall to sleep comfortably on most flights so instead I listen to podcasts or read something with very low volume background orchestral music as background to avoid silence/white noise. You’ll have to adjust for what works for you, but that early start gives you tons of time to get situated and I think this makes the real difference.
I haven’t been on a long-haul flight that had the air nozzles “customizbale” or at all?
In the US airlines at least, most lately let you angle them like a ball-in-socket joint. They aren’t too “customizable” but you can generally point them and adjust how open they are. Older planes are less adjustable however.
Super long haul in the US or from the US? My long hauls have all been 10+ hours and none had “personal” air nozzles.
Regarding your first tip, I’m not sure where you’re flying, but I fly around the US for work, and they absolutely will send you to the back of the line if you try to board in the wrong spot. Happened to me once recently by accident, got two flights and their boarding groups mixed up. They weren’t rude about it or anything, but they were not going to let me on before my group.
That’s why you crop it to just the QR code.
The ticket scanner on most devices and stands displays only Name and Seat Assignment. Not zone. If you’ve, they can’t un-scan it.
Walk up with the cropped QR code ready (try to leave some of the app background color as a border, just crop it so no text is cutoff and the zone is missing) and there is almost no chance they stop you and say “sorry I need you to reload your app so I can verify your zone”.
They just scan it and move on. Walk with confidence and try it. I’ve done this literally dozens of times this year alone.
If you walk up with a printed boarding pass, they might stop you if they see it in time. And if you use the app, same, it’s usually bold obvious text there.
Worked on Delta, United, and AA this year. Won’t dox myself getting too specific, but multiple cross country flights with each. Always the middle or middle front of the second main boarding group.
So, first, you can’t be much more confident than an honest mistake. I didn’t even know I was in the wrong group.
Second, they weren’t reading my phone. You turn your phone face down to scan the QR code. They literally can’t read it like that. The system tells them where you are supposed to be, including boarding group. If they’re not trying to put you where you’re supposed to be, they’re probably tired of dealing with people like you.
Lastly, people fucking up the system by cutting in line are a part of why it takes so long to board. If you want to board earlier, man up and pay for a premium ticket.
Tbh, an edible if you are into that and comfortable with it. Definitely bring some headphones and download some audiobooks, music, or podcasts you like. A sleep mask if helpful if those are comfortable for you and other people seem to like those neck pillows.
Snacks
Who woulda thunk right?
Seriously though an edible on a flight is like fast travel
Tbh, an edible if you are into that and comfortable with it.
Do NOT do this if you are going into a country, such as some in East Asia, that consider presence of the drug in the body as possession of that substance. Japan did this for all but THC, but were changing the law to include it (I’m not sure if they have yet; it was only excluded because of some traditional ropemakers IIRC).
While this is true, “long flights” can be 8-12 hours in length and you will have to take the edible pre tsa check so you will be very sober by the time you land. No shot they test you without obvious reason
No shot they test you without obvious reason
I haven’t indulged in any such substances in well over a decade, but I would not be willing to risk that. One person, one flight attendant, or one random check could fuck someone so hard.
Who would want mushrooms on a plane jesus christ thats a recipe for a panic attack.
Edit: he wasnt even on them?!?! 44 hours and its long gone out your system. Bro was just not mentally well
Elastomeric respirator like 3M 6200. It will be more comfortable than an N95 if worn for a long time. But wear an N95 (maybe change them every few hours as they get damp) if you have to. Plane rides are super spreaders and so are airports.
Absolutely this. I went on a trip recently with my coworker for a conference overseas. I wore a N95 and he didn’t. And he has 'bad coughs" after the flight and was coughing up a storm for the whole trip and even lost a few days being sick.
Maybe it’s Covid. Or maybe just nasty air.
Buy the upgraded seats.
Sealed bag of cookies/chocolates/whatever as long as there are a decent number. Give it to whichever flight attendant is closest to your seat when you board. Most crews will have your back for the whole flight after that.
