My dream was the stereotypical actress one, but I never had the confidence to really go for it despite people telling me I’d do well.

Honestly, I regretted not doing it for a span of time, but everything I’ve learned both about the industry and me as a person since then made me realize that it probably would have made me miserable, even if I’d “made it.”

The price of fame, to me, wouldn’t have been worth it. The fakeness of Hollywood, the constant networking/having to deal with people who have a whole host of personality disorders that make them seek out that job, a life constantly being looked into, the persisting pedo problem, the Harvey Weinsteins, etc… I enjoy acting, it’s super fun, but I’m glad I went a different route.

I’m a substation designer now.

I’m not getting a Nobel. It’s mostly a political prize.

I’m not getting a second house in the Northern Hemisphere, somewhere around the Alps, so I’d get two autumns + winters per year. It sounds fancy but eventually it would become a chore.

I’m not marrying and having children. I simply don’t see the point any more; I don’t even care about romantic relationships any more.

I’m not going to make “the final” reconstruction of Proto-Indo-European, the one that will solve all issues with the current ones. It’s fun to do some “backyard science” here and there, but other people are better skilled at this than I am.

I’m still in the process of letting mine die (hope is a stubborn thing), but sometimes you need to accept your lot in life. Not everyone gets to do everything they want to.

now, I just don’t know what else to dream for instead. As it is, I’m just existing and waiting to die.

I never found “the dream” qnd honestly

I dont know if i regret that more

I wanted to be a filmmaker but was forced to choose a different path when my grandfather (who had set up a small college fund for me) refused to pay for school unless I chose something more practical. I caved and majored in journalism (my mom was a photojournalist before I was born) but was so heartbroken I dropped out in my first year. I tried a second time to go to school but I couldn’t stay engaged after learning the thing I had been working towards since middle school was no longer an option.

I ended up going to work in tech instead. In my late 20’s I thought I would figure out making short films on my own wrote a script, bought some gear, but when I looked at how bad I was at social media and how much I wanted someone to see my work, I thought the odds were against it.

A few years ago some unrelated mental health issues made it impossible for me to work and I am writing a script for an audio drama which is hopefully cheaper to produce and a zine about Utopia while I recover.

Bailing on my dream wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Most of my problems and regrets are related to the undiagnosed and untreated mental illness that destroyed my already struggling career a few years ago. Not making the elder millennial version of Point Break sucks, but maybe if the audio drama works I can parley that success into a streaming series (Archive 81 style).