“The story, which did not go out on the wire to our customers, didn’t go through our standard editing process. We are looking into how that happened,” AP spokesperson Nicole Meir told The Verge in an email.

News reports (and fact-checks specifically) are often worded in a way that carefully threads a needle — there’s a difference between saying something definitively didn’t happen versus saying there’s no evidence of it. My guess is that the AP headline was the problem here because it claims to debunk something that is unknowable.

-3 points

I always confuse couch with coach, not sure which is which. No need to correct me, let me imagine things in my head.

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4 points

The fucking (ha?) double negatives everywhere in that article make my head spin

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Given the questionable state of the media in the US, I kind of wish they’d go all out and just start using Trumpisms.

  • “We have been unable to prove that Trump isn’t a pedophile”
  • “We’re not saying Vance stole money from orphans’ homes, but some people are”

You know, that sort of stuff. It couldn’t be worse than 2 weeks talking about Biden’s age while ignoring that Trump is only 3 years younger; or jumping on every Biden brain-fart while ignoring Trump’s constant stream of incomprehensible mouth diarrhea.

Edit forgot a “t”

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5 points

logorrhea

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21 points

Some people say he’s a pedophile. Good people, the best people. Trust me, believe me.

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3 points

They tell me, with tears in their eyes, “Sir,” they tell me, “That Vance guy’s a pedophile. He’s no good.” Lots of people are saying it.

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5 points

You got it mixed up. Trump likes young girls, as he said sometimes too young, and is therefore a pedophile. Vance fucks couches, but the age of the couch has not been conclusively determined.

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I’m not saying it, but some people are.

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25 points

When I was in high school, a guy devised a sex toy from a rolled up towel, a food service disposable glove, a bed, and lotion. He called his invention a Fifi. We were at a military academy where bad kids with whits-end parents got sent. I wonder what happened to him. Maybe he invented real dolls when he grew up.

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4 points
*

When I was in high school, we carved a hole into some sort of melon and one of my friends took it into the bathroom for $5. I doubt he did anything to it, but who knows. He was like 16.

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9 points

My brother’s best friend was at University in the early nineties and it was the birthdays if one of the guys he shared a house with so they all rushed into his room and shouted “surprise” but they got the surprise as he was humping a cut off shampoo bottle lined with a warm, wet flannel that he’d jammed between his mattress and bedframe.

I imagine they’ll eventually find an ancient, improvised Fleshlight at Pompeii because as long as there are have been horny teenagers, there has probably been homemade vaginas.

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9 points

Pompeii is actually someplace you probably wouldn’t find one, considering it was packed with brothels.

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19 points
*

Haha. I forgot all about a Fifi. I found out about Fifi’s while deployed on ship. Glove, towel, lotion, and belt. The belt was to wrap around the towel up so it doesn’t unravel in the middle of using it. A couple dudes made them and was showing them to the rest of us. I ended up making one later.

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52 points

We all need to take note that couches are incapable of consent. This was not a loving act. JD Vance raped that couch and who knows how many others.

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8 points

He’s remained silent on this issue for far too long. Why is he ducking these allegations?

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6 points

Somehow, the soft furnishing #meto campaign failed to get any real traction.

X accessibility options do not take the reasonable requirements of it upholstery limited users seriously.

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2 points

Somehow, the soft furnishing #meto campaign failed to get any real traction.

It’s 'cause they’ve got those fuzzy pads on their legs. Makes 'em slide around.

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2 points

Wow blaming victims for the way they dress. Welcome to the 1980s

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